Not So Picture Perfect Wednesday: Even on Mars, there's 'That Not So Fresh Feeling'

An illustration for an Edgar Rice Burroughs' Martian Tale, or advertising art for Barsoomian feminine hygiene products?

(For the background of this joke, click here, here, and here.)

Picture Perfect Special: Princesses of Mars, Part Seven

Let's take another trip to the home of John Carter and Princess Dejah Thoris: Faraway Barsoom, where the beautiful maidens are as mysterious as their headgear and as tough as their metal bras.

By Alex Nino

By Matt Wagner

By Rich Buckler

By Ken Allan

By Marc Laming

By Mike Hoffman

Mohammed Monday:The Religion of Peace and Passover

Islam, a faith that we are to believe is the Religion of Peace, once again showed its true face this Sunday.

Palestinians Shouted ‘Allahu Akbar’ As They Desecrated Joseph’s Tomb With Murder and Fire

Click here for more Jesus and Mo.

A Picture Perfect Easter Special

Jesus and Mo on Easter

They don't make 'em like Cab Calloway anymore!

In my review of "Hi-De-Ho", I lamented the lack of a "Minnie the Moocher" performance. Here's Cab Calloway performing it with a higher-than-average degree of craziness.




And here's the title song from 1947's "Hi-De-Ho". The opening and closing sections that sounds like a Jewish synagogue prayer is super cool! (Oh... and if you listen closely, you'll discover that the hippies weren't quite as cutting edge as one might thing; their lexicon predates them by more than a decade, as this song proves. They may not have trusted anyone over 30, but they sure spoke like some of them. Or were the hippies just the wiggers of their day?)




And then there are the stoners. Calloway and his pals were there first, too.

'Hi-De-Ho' has virtually no plot to interfere with the musical numbers

Hi-De-Ho (1947)
Starring: Cab Calloway, Jenni Le Gon, Ida James, James Dunmore, and George Wiltshire
Director: Josh Binney
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

When struggling musician Cab (Calloway) and his band are on the verge of their first big break, his jealous girlfriend Minnie (Le Gon) gets him embroiled in a fight with a deadly gangster (Wiltshire) because she believes he is having an affair with his female manager (James).

Made primarily for theaters that catered to black audiences in the segregated south, "Hi-De-Ho" is a short movie that is first and foremost a showcase for bandleader and legendary jazz man Cab Calloway. The paper-thin plot is just an excuse to move us from Calloway performance to Calloway performance, and it vanishes almost entirely at the halfway point where it gives way to a supposed club performance by Calloway and several other very talented, real-world acts from the late 1940s. It is so perfunctory that when three people die in a shoot-out, including one innocent bystander, the police's reaction is basically to walk away while saying, "Hey, great job killing those gangsters, Cab! Good riddance to them!"

This film is of interest only to fans jazz, scat-music, and great big band performances. Calloway does show himself to be a better actor than many of his fellow musicians--like when he is performing a mournful acapella version of "Minnie's a Hep Cat Now" (a song he performs earlier in an upbeat fashion).

Surprisingly, Calloway doesn't perform "Minnie the Moocher", the song he is perhaps best known for today--especially considering that song includes the "Hi-De-Ho" phrase from the movie's title and he refers to the Minnie character as a moocher at one point. Of course, the film more than makes up for its absence a song title "I am the Hi-De-Ho Man" and the aforementioned "Minnie's a Hep-Cat Now".

The target audience for this movie--fans of Cab Calloway and 1940s jazz--will love this movie. I would even recommend that wanna-be musicians check it out, especially if you're fancying yourself a hip-hop or rap artist. You will find some things in this movie that may surprise you. Everyone else can't help but be awed by the talent and energy of Calloway... although you will likely find yourself wishing for a little more story to go with the excellent musical numbers.

Exodus: When God Layeth Down the Law

Moses and the Ten Commandments, by Paul Gulacy

Half a century later, there has yet to be made a more impressive Biblical movie than Cecile B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments". It also remains one of the most successful Hollywood remakes of all time, being the second movie version of the Book of Exodus from the Old Testament that De Mille helmed; the first being a 1923 almost-as-grand silent version.

Is there a better way to celebrate Passover/Easter than to watch this great classic movie? (Well, except perhaps reading the original Old Testament story upon which it was based and taking part in various religious observances as your faith might dictate? I suppose either of THOSE might be better ways... but it's a great movie!)

Tarzan meets his match: Crappy Filmmakers

Tarzan and the Green Goddess (1936)
Starring: Herman Brix, Ula Holt, Frank Baker, Lew Sargent, and Ashton Dearholt
Director: Edward Kull
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

Tarzan (Brix) and his friends struggle to be the first to loot a Guatemalan idol from the natives of the Dead City, so the secret of ancient Mayan explosives don't fall into the wrong hands.



"Tarzan and the Green Goddess" is a condensed version of the second half of a serial titled "The New Adventures of Tarzan", and subsequently is a sequel to the condensed version of the serial's first half.

And it shows. Based on references characters make (along the lines of "let's hope the monsters of the Dead City aren't chasing us!") give the impression that a far more exciting adventure led up to the drab and boring events of this one.

This is perhaps the dullest Tarzan tale I've ever seen. Some excitement creeps in during the film's final third--when characters return to the Dead City and once again deal with the goofy cultists who live there--but it's too little, too late. A movie about the "gay gypsy party" that Lord Greystoke hosts to celebrate his return from Central America would probably have been more interesting.

The only positive thing I can find to say about this film is that Brix bears a close resemblance to one of my favorite Tarzan depictions in art--that from the pen of the great Russ Manning. He's also an okay actor, but he manages to ruin the performance by delivering a Tarzan "victory cry" that sounds like he's if he's taking part in a hog calling contest.

I think even the biggest fans of Tarzan can safely take a pass on this sorry effort.

Barack Hussein Obama MMMmmmNNNo!

Obama formally began his reelection campaign on April 4, 2011. Here's what the Future says about the Hope and Change he has brought....

Are You In(sane)?

If you don't get the reference in the title of this post, click on this link to visit Cinema Steve for a look at the creepy, borderline un-American degree to which some worship (or worshipped, one hopes) Barack Hussein Obama.

Picture Perfect Special: Princesses of Mars, Part Six

By Alan Davis

By Leonard Kirk

By Buzz

By Alan Barsani