The Milla Jovovich Quarterly

Not too long ago, one of the smartest of all living Americans declared that she was unable to determine if someone is a woman, because she's not a biologist.

Well, no one would mistake us here at Shades of Gray for being smart, nor are any of us biologists... but we can say without doubt or hesitancy that one of our favorite people, Milla Jovovich, is all woman!

These photos leave not doubt as to her womanhood, femaleness, and all the rest!

 

 Um. Well... she... um...

 

 Hm. Well... yeah. We're not biologists, either.

An interesting effort from a new filmmaker

Loop (2022)
Starring: Bryn Wilson and Christian Gillam
Director: Aaron Delaney
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

A young woman (Wilson) takes the path less traveled... and finds herself trapped in the Twilight Zone with a mysterious fellow wanderer (Gillam).

"Loop" is another gem that I discovered in the distant corners of YouTube while searching for interesting things to watch and write about in this space. I assume it's an effort by a beginning filmmaker, and I think that if he sticks with it and masters his craft, we'll be treated to great stuff in a few years.

The basic idea and execution of "Loop" is an engaging one, but it's one that is very tricky to execute and which could become very boring to watch, very fast. Delaney, however, keeps things moving and shows a near-perfect sense of timing with the points at which he introduces plot complications and story elements as the film unfolds. This film got my imagination going, and I find myself thinking about the unanswered mysteries it presents, long after the end credits rolled. There's no higher praise I can give a film other than to say it left me with questions that I have fun puzzling out answers to.

As much as I enjoyed "Loop", I can't ignore its technical flaws. Delany makes several ambitious attempts at in-camera edits/effects that he doesn't quite pull off, and the sound mixing leaves a lot to be desired--the dialogue is too soft and the soundtrack music is too loud. There are also a couple points where the camera should have placed in a slightly different place to avoid having a sign in the background. That sign undermined the sense that the characters are trapped in some unknowable paranormal place and thus came dangerously close to spoiling the whole film. (As it is, that sign is responsible for me giving this film a Five instead of a Six Out of Ten Stars.)

If you have a few minutes, check you "Loop" by clicking below. I hope you find it as interesting and imagination-stirring as I did!

Summer Dreaming... with Coffee

Lately, I've been drinking varieties of the black miracle juice that make me think of summer... and in this post, I'm going to let you know what I think of them!

The Shades of Gray gang may have fun in the sun,
or we may just join this gentleman for a quiet cuppa out of doors!

BONES COFFEE COMPANY: SHARK BITE

Nothing says summer fun and frolicking at the beach than shark attacks. So... this is a summer-themed coffee, right?

Shark Bite is the third rum-flavored variety from Bones I reviewed. Almost everything I said about the Coconut Rum and Highland Grog applies to Shark Bite: This is a smooth, medium roast-based blend where the flavor of rum dominates but mixes easily with that of coffee and other augmenting flavors. The flavor profile remains strong and consistent whether the drink is consumed hot, at room temperature, or chilled and over ice. The saltiness that sometimes creeps into Bones offerings as they cool also does not manifest itself in this blend.

Shark Bite is set apart from the two similar Bones offerings by having a hard-to-describe flavor that seems almost cinnamon-y as you start drinking, but the taste becomes sweeter as you get to the bottom of your cup. The rum flavor and the spiciness of the drink also seem to trade places as you drink, with the spice being the first thing you notice initially, but eventually the sweet undertones of rum become the dominant flavor. Underneath it all, is a constant foundation of smooth coffee.

If you liked the other two rum-flavored blends, but think you'd want a little more spice in the mix, then this is the one to go with. Another reason you might want to try try Shark Bite is that drinking it just a remarkable experience. 

Bones Coffee makes humorous ads (such as this one) where they tout the notion that drinking their coffee is an experience rather than just an act of sustaining ones existence. While most of their flavored coffees are exceptional beverages, and I've used the word "experience" in describing the act of consuming them, I think that I say that Shark Bite is quite literally an experience. It's remarkable the way the flavor shifts as you consume it. This is definitely one of the more interesting blends Bones has brought to market--and what with this being the 37th of their offerings I've reviewed, I think I can make that statement with authority.

I would be amiss if I didn't commend Bones Coffee Company on yet another entertaining and evocative cartoon on the front of their package. I hope our friend Bones recovers his arm from the shark though!

SIGNATURE SELECT'S SUN-KISSED BLONDE 

Is coffee sexy? Well, I usually wouldn't think so--Folger's television ads aside--but when I saw the bags of Signature Select's Sun-Kissed Blonde on the shelf at Safeway, something along this line popped into my head:

It goes without saying, I bought a bag... because if I hadn't, I couldn't be writing this review.

Signature Select's Sun-Kissed Blonde is described on the package as a light roast... which means it could be a blonde roast as that's something of a shifting definition. The flavor of this coffee is almost mild and sweet enough that it could be a blonde roast, although it does have a little more of the bite that you find in darker roasts than was present in the Iced Blonde from Starbucks which is officially described as a blonde roast.

(A "blonde roast", by the way, is the lightest possible roast. It's basically a roast for coffee drinkers who aren't terribly fond of the typical coffee taste; at least in my book, the darker the roast, the more bitterness there is to the coffee and the more it tastes like what I think of as "traditional coffee"... and the more sugar or milk/creamer it needs before it's drinkable. Blonde roasts are almost mild enough that I can drink a cup without adding anything--almost. Blonde roasts are also ones that you should stay away from if you have stomach issues--the resulting brews are more acidic than darker roasts.)

The thing that I noticed primarily about Sun-Kissed Blonde is that it was every bit as mild as the package promised. The "nutty" undertones weren't noticable until I added almond milk or creamer but then they really popped. I suppose this means this blend behaves like a number of blondes out there--they're demure until they have some liquid refreshments and then they turn nutty!

All joking about blondes aside, I tried Sun-Kissed Blonde with a couple different agendas in mind. First, could it be a possible replacement for the pre-made Starbucks Iced Blonde--a bag of this will yield roughly 1.5 - 2 times the amount of coffee as the Starbucks bottles, for about 2/3rds the price. Second, would it be a good foundation for making my own "flavored coffees"?

Addressing the second agenda first, I put Sun-Kissed Blonde through all the usual tests--drinking it black, with Unsweetened Almond Milk, and then with sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer; it all three ways, I drank it both hot, at room temperature, and chilled over ice. I enjoyed it in all three modes, although my favorite standard test mode was drinking it hot with the sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer. Additionally, the Sun-Kissed Blonde blend went great with Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk when hot... and it mixed great with vodka and Unsweetened Chocolate Almond Milk when I used it to make one of my half-assed homemade variant on a White Russian. 

This blend as worked extremely well when used as the foundation for my home-made chocolate-flavored coffee (which involves mixing ground coffee with dark cocoa powder), regardless of whether I drank it hot, room temperature, or over ice. I have been using medium-roasts from a variety of outlets for this, but I liked the results not only with the chocolate but also with the vodka. This coffee really sang when mixed with vanilla- and cherry-flavored vodka, too.

Which takes me back back to the first first agenda: How effective is Sun-Kissed Blonde as a replacement for Starbucks' Iced Blonde? Very effective, I say. 

The coffee flavor is stronger with the Sun-Kissed Blonde than it is with the Starbucks Iced Blonde--or at least it weathers mixing with other liquids and flavors better. This could be attributed to different roasting styles, or maybe because I make the coffee stronger than Starbucks does? There's really no way for me to know for sure. The only benefit I can see offhand to having a bottle filled with Starbucks Iced Blonde instead of one filled with chilled Signature Select's Sun-Kissed Blonde is that the Starbucks coffee comes pre-brewed and pre-chilled, so there's ease and instant gratification.

Overall, though, I found Sun-Kissed Blonde to be better-tasting than Iced Blonde. In the future, I'll most likely be taking the cheaper (yet more demanding) path toward having coffee available for drinking iced.

Dr. Victor Frankenstein, demonstrating how flavored coffees are created.
(Mad science plays a part, whether in Steve's kitchen or at a roastery.)

'Sinister Stuff' doesn't deliver enough

Sinister Stuff (1934)
Starring: Anonymous Voice Actors
Director: Steve Muffati
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Cubby the Bear must save his lady love from the villainous wolf who holds the mortgage to the home she shares with her aged mother.

"Sinister Stuff" is one of at least 18 cartoons featuring Cubby the Bear that appeared during the run of the the Aesop's Fables cartoon anthology series. Like pretty much everything from the Van Beuren animation shop, the episodes vary greatly in quality. This one is at the lower end of the scale; there are worse ones out there, but there are also far better ones.

The strong points of "Sinister Stuff" include the music. As is often the case with Van Beuren efforts, the music is excellent and it's very important in this film where the characters don't sing, but they do all speak in verse and rhymes. The end result is the sense that we're watching a weird operetta, and it feels very appropriate since it's a spoof of old-time melodramas. 

The animation here is also superior to what is present in many Van Beuren efforts, with details both in the backgrounds and foregrounds as characters go through their antics. This better-than-average animation also augments and elevates the hilarity and oddness of the several bicycle gags featured (even if one is dragged down slightly by some looping).

The supporting characters are also a lot of fun, from the villain's three sidekicks (who must be related to the weirdos that stiffed Tom & Jerry for cab fare back in 1931) to the fretting mother about to be homeless. In fact, the three sidekicks are the center of the film's funniest moments.

Unfortunately, the bad in this film outweighs all those good parts... and the bad all revolves around story. It starts off well enough as a straight-forward spoof of the stereotypical melodramas with a mustache-twirling villain kidnapping the hero's lady love and putting her in an extreme danger than only he can rescue her from. As it builds toward the climax, however, it begins to fall apart: Jokes are set up that don't pay off, the cartoon-comedy battle between the villain and the hero ranks among the lamest I've ever seen, and the ending just sort of falls flat (although it does reflect the late Pre-Code period in which this film was produced.

Perhaps the most damning thing about "Sinister Stuff" is that as I was watching it, I found myself thinking that Van Beuren's team had done a similar thing much better back in 1929 (and even that effort wasn't all that good).

But don't just take my word for it. If you have a few moments, click below and watch "Sinister Stuff"... if nothing else, I think you'll enjoy the bits with the three sidekicks.

Princesses of Mars, Part 41

It's time for another check-in with our favorite residents of the Red Planet.

The Martian Princesses seem rather busy today. 

  

 

Maybe the Russians have started a war on Mars, too? They have a long history with the color red, so maybe they think Mars and the people who live there ALSO belong to them?

'Validation' is fun, sweet, and entertaining

Validation (2007)
Starring: TJ Thyne and Vicki Davis
Director: Kurt Kuenne

Rating: Ten of Ten Stars

A parking attendant (Thyne) with a gift for lifting people's spirits falls in love with the one person he can't make smile (Davis).

If you're feeling down and/or are in the mood for a romantic comedy, you need to watch "Validation". Even if you're happy and just want to watch something really fun and entertaining, you need to watch "Validation".  Go ahead and click on the embedded video below! I guarantee you will have a smile on your face at the end of its 15-minutes run-time... and I likewise feel you'll find yourself adding this to your lists of favorite romantic comedies and urban fantasy films. You'll also find yourself humming the theme song, "Smile".

I probably already gave too much away about the film between the teaser summary at the top and the paragraph above, so I'll just add that if liked T.J. Thynes on the long-running Fox series "Bones" (2005 - 2017), you'll love him after seeing his performance here.

I love everything about this short film. It's among the most solid Ten of Ten Stars I've awarded since I began writing reviews again in 2003. If I could, I'd give it Eleven Stars, because it deserves a Star for the punnish title alone. (If you've spent any time on my Facebook page, you know how much I love puns.)

Musical Monday with Len Lye's Peanut Vendor

In 1933, New Zealander sculptor, animator, and puppeteer Len Lye made "The Peanut Vendor"/"Experimental Animation", a short film featuring a singing spider monkey puppet. It was something to show prospective investors as he tried to raise money to produce a feature-length puppet/stop-motion animation film.

Lye's efforts were in vain, and his puppet movie was never made... but a little bit of his dream survives to this day, for us to smile and marvel at.

The version embedded below is perhaps the highest quality and most complete one that's available for easy viewing. I've seen some commentators describe it as "creepy". Personally. I think it's rather cute.

But why don't you check it out and judge for yourself. Let me know if you, too, find it creepy... or if it perhaps filled a spider monkey-shaped void in your life that didn't even know was there until today.

But wait! There's more music with Len Lye's monkey!

One of the joys of this digital age we live in is that all sorts of fun, weird stuff is available in obscure corners of even the most well-known sites. Take for example this funky video where someone took Lye's spider monkey puppet film and replaced the soundtrack with that of the Beatles warming up (or just goofing off) during a recording session.

Bones Coffee's Bluesberry

It's Sunday. It's dark and I'm wearing sunglasses. I may or may not be on a mission from God, but it's time for another coffee review.

BONES COFFEE COMPANY: BLUESBERRY
Like most Bones Coffee flavored blends, this one starts with their high-quality, medium-roast Arabica beans, which means they're already off to a good start with a smooth and inherently sweet foundation. It's also worth noting that this another one of their blends that's packaged with a movie pun (like "Army of Dark Chocolate" and "From Dusk Till Donuts", just to name a couple), just to name a few). The package art isn't as amusing as some of the others, but it's up to the company's established standards and on point.

The unpacked Bluesberry grounds smelled strongly of blueberry, and that same wonderful smell rose from the mug as I poured the coffee. Unlike some Bones Coffee offerings, it wasn't strong as the coffee brewed, however.

The blueberry flavor was also not as strong as I drank the coffee. When I drank the Bluesberry blend black, the blueberry flavor was barely present; the taste was as if the coffee had been sweetened with a bit of blueberry juice, but nowhere what I expected based on the aroma when I poured it.

When I drink it with Unsweetened Almond Milk added, the blueberry taste is washed out and the drink tastes like a standard quality medium-roast with almond milk added. It is perhaps a little sweet, but the blueberry flavor is gone.

When I drink it with sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer added, the blueberry taste bursts forcefully into the foreground. Here, the coffee flavor is almost drowned out between the creamer and the blueberry flavor. It doesn't become overwhelming or cloying... it just becomes the dominant flavor.

Bluesberry is another one of those Bones blends where the flavors tend to grow stronger as the coffee cools. Whether it's black or cut with the Unsweetened Almond Milk, the blueberry flavor grows stronger in the Bluesberry blend as it cools to room temperature. It doesn't become overwhelming, it just grows more obvious. Curiously, when the sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer is mixed in, the flavors seem to rebalance themselves a bit, with the taste of coffee becoming evident again as the drink cools to room temperature. I thought that perhaps I hadn't started with sampling the Bluesberry with creamer added while it was properly hot, so I tried it that way again when I brewed my second pot. The result was the same. Why? Beats me... but then I'm just a daft Humanities sort of guy with very little understanding of all that sciency and chemistry stuff.

When consumed iced--whether black, or with Unsweetened Almond Milk or sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer added--the blueberry flavor is strong, but not so strong that you can't taste the coffee as well. As such, this is a sweet coffee drink that works extremely well iced. It's something to keep in mind for when summer rolls around... and it's 106 miles to Chicago, you've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, and it's dark. 

A reminder...

 ... that there are fools about on this Apirl 1, trying to be funny!

It's 4/1 and a Fantastic Friday

 Here's a little off-color fun featuring the First Family of the Marvel Comics Universe, courtesy of Frank Cho.