Picture Perfect Wednesday: Anita Ekberg, Miss Sweden 1950

They don't come much more picture perfect than Anita Ekberg. After earning the Miss Sweden title in 1950, she came to the United States. She first worked as a model, but then spent five years under contract to Universal Pictures in parts that demanded little more of her than to be gorgeous to look at. She returned to Europe, and by the late 1950s, her career had taken off, and she spent the next 30 years appearing in everything from sword-and-sandal fantasy flicks, horror films, comedies, and murder mysteries.

Abbott and Costello vs the Alien Amazons!

Abbott and Costello Go to Mars (aka "Rocket and Roll") (1953)
Starring: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Mari Blanchard, Robert Paige, Horace McMohan, and Anita Ekberg
Director: Charles Lamont
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

When two workmen (Abbott and Costello) accidentally launch with an experimental space rocket, they think they end up on Mars. The truth is, they end up places far stranger than Mars... New Orleans during Mardi Gras and then Venus, a planet governed by immortal Amazons.


As my summary above states, Abbott and Costello never get to Mars in this film, despite the intentions of the builders of the top secret rocket and the movie's title. Instead, they move through a thin plot that is stretched to the breaking point to fill the movie's 77-minute running time, and every joke is beaten to death, particularly during the New Orleans segment. Things pick up a bit when the action moves to Venus (where Costello is made King), but it's only a slight improvement. I'm not even sure if it's the distraction of all the scantily clad beauty queens that tricked me into thinking the film got better.

This is one of the weakest Abbott & Costello pictures, and everyone but truly hardcore fans of their work should probably not bother with it.

What is the deadly secret of the 13th guest?

The Thirteenth Guest (aka "Lady Beware") (1932)
Starring: Lyle Talbot, Ginger Rogers, and J. Farrell MacDonald
Director: Albert Ray
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

When Marie (Rogers), the young heiress to the Morgan fortune, is found mysteriously electrocuted in the family manor that has remained sealed since her father died during a dinner party 13 years prior, Police Captain Ryan (MacDonald) calls upon the assistance of playboy criminologist Phil Winston (Talbot) to help solve the baffling murder. Before Winston can even begin to investigate, the mystery takes an even stranger turn: The dead girl turns up alive and in police custody for car theft... and soon there's a second dead body at the old Morgan place.

"The Thirteenth Guest" is a pretty good little mystery movie for most of its running time. The three lead actors all give decent performances that are in line with what is to be expected from one of these "who-dunnit in the dark, old house" mysteries, and the murderer had a fairly clever set-up with which to commit the murder. There are also just enough plausible suspects and clever plot-twists make it real mystery film.

Unfortunately, for every clever twist there's a plot logic-hole that a truck could be driven through. Equally unfortunate is the presence of a truly lame comic relief character. And I won't even dignify the idiotic mask and cape they have the murderer prance around in with comment. (Hang on... did I just comment on the idiotic mask and cape? Curses!)

The good parts outweigh the bad parts--but only barely--in "The Thirteenth Guest." It's not a film I recommend you rush out to find a copy of, but if you're looking around for a little something to round out a "home film-festival" selection of mystery movies, this might be what you're looking for. Just don't make it the main attraction.

Bulldog Drummond vs George Zucco!

Arrest Bulldog Drummond (1939)
Starring: John Howard, Reginald Denny, E.E. Clive, Heather Angel, H.B. Warner, and George Zucco
Director: James Hogan
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Hugh Drummond (Howard) ends up a murder suspect when an international freelance spy (Zucco) kills an inventor and steals an experimental beam-weapon that remotely detonates gunpowder and explosives. With his wedding plans yet again disrupted, Drummond, his best friend Algy (Denny), his ever-resourceful gentleman's gentleman Tenny (Clive), and his fiance Phyllis (Angel) travel to a tropical island to capture the spy and return the deadly weapon to British hands.

"Arrest Bulldog Drummond" starts sluggishly, has a darker tone than the other entries in the Paramount-produced "Bulldog Drummond" series, and what gags that are present are rather tepid. The film is saved by a strong third act, the usual excellent performances by Howard, Denny, Clive, and Angel (with Denny and Angel getting quite a bit of screen-time, and their characters of Algy and Phyllis taking more active roles in the plot than usual), and a nifty turn by George Zucco as the sinister spy Rolf Alferson. Unfortunately, Colonel Nielsen (Warner) is once again reduced to a blithering idiot by the writers (something which seems to be a hallmark of the worst installments in the series.)

With a near equal amount of good parts and bad parts, "Arrest Bulldog Drummond" is one of the weakest entries in the series, with the strong finish and good performances by Zucco and the regular cast members barely managing to elevate the film to the upper-end of average. It's okay, but you won't miss much if you skip it.

'Adam Strange' is fun sci-fi/pulp comics

Showcase Presents: Adam Strange, Vol. 1 (DC Comics, 2007)
Writer: Gardner Fox
Artists, Carmine Infantino, Murphy Anderson, Mike Sekowsky, Bernard Sachs, and Gil Kane
Rating: Nine of Ten Stars


With "Showcase Presents: Adam Strange, Vol. 1", DC Comics has added another great, low-priced book that reprints 500+ pages of some of the best American comics ever published. This time out, it's the earliest adventures of a man who lives in two worlds... an archeologist who every 62 days is transported by Zeta-Beam to the distant world of Rann where he straps on a rocketpack, grabs a raygun, and fights alien evils until the radiation wears off and he returns to Earth.


Originally published in issues of "Showcase" and "Mystery in Space" between 1958 and 1963, from the very first episode writer Gardner Fox spun some great pulp-flavored sci-fi adventures tales that read like a cross classic Flash Gordon and Edgar Rice Burrough's John Carter of Mars stories. They're excellent reading that can be enjoyed by kids of all ages, and the adventures are enhanced by the romantic relationship between Adam and the alien beauty Alanna.

The art is passable from the very beginning, but it doesn't become truly great until Carmine Infantino becomes the strip's regular penciller. When Murphy Anderson comes onboard as the inker in the second half of the book, readers are treated to some of the best-looking American comics art ever published. The team of Infantino and Anderson was a truly spectacular one.

If you enjoy well-done comics and sci-fi adventure tales, I think you'll enjoy "Adam Strange, Vol. 1".

Picture Perfect Wednesday: A Shot at Stardom

'Revolt of the Zombies' is a non-event

(I like the poster though.)

Revolt of the Zombies (1936)
Starring: Dean Jagger and Dorothy Stone
Director: Victor Halperin
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

At the height of World War I, a French officer (Jagger) brings to his generals the ultimate weapon: the secret to creating impervious zombie soldiers! Unfortunately, before the Cambodian monk can be made to share this secret with the Europeans, he is murdered by a sinister enemy agent. A military expedition is sent to the darkest heart of Cambodia's jungles to see if the secret can be recovered.

"Revolt of the Zombies" actually has a really interesting plot at its heart. Too bad the filmmakers completely botched this movie, with awful dialogue and pacing that is at once too slow and too fast--important events happen off-screen and are then relayed to the viewers by the characters in boring exposition. Worse, the movie ultimately chickens out in regards to both its use of zombies in the story AND in regards to what seemed to have been its message about the negative impact of European colonialism with an "absolute power corrupts absolutely." What's more... there ain't no damn zombie revolt in the film (but that's because there aren't any real zombies, either).

I probably would have shrugged my shoulders at this one--it's just another low-budget, crappy horror film--but it was made as a follow-up to the fabulous "White Zombie." I expected more of "Revolt of the Zombies" because "White Zombie" is a dyed-in-the-wool classic horror film, one of the best zombie movies ever made (and perhaps even the *first* zombie movie ever made), and it was as low-budget as "Revolt."




Click here to read my review of "White Zombie" at The Bela Lugosi Collection.

Appeasement Doesn’t Work

In case you haven't heard, Seattle-based artist Molly Norris is under death threat from the worshipers of Mohammed--for NOT drawing their idol. Although she sparked the "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day" idea, she disavowed it when OTHERS made it a reality, and she did everything she could to apologize for expressing an idea, short of offering to pay for the gay sex the mullahs and members of al-Qaeda so desperately crave.

You know... she apologized left, right, and center for something that Americans should consider one of our inalienable right. The free and open expression of ideas.

Novelist Edward Cline has written a column at Big Hollywood on the matter: Appeasement Doesn’t Work--Fatwa Issued Against ‘Draw Mohammed Day’ Cartoonist

As for me, as promised, here's a Mohammed cartoon, in observance of the latest Mo-toon controversy.



(This cartoon from 2005 was the first installment in the weekly adventures of Bestest Prophet Pals, Jesus and Mo. You can see many more of them at www.jesusandmo.net.)

Wedding delayed again... by murder.

Bulldog Drummond's Secret Police (1939)
Starring: John Howard, Heather Angel, E.E. Clive, Reginald Denny, H.B. Warner, Loe Carroll, Forester Harvey, and Elizabeth Patterson
Dirrector: James Hogan
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Just as it appears Hugh Drummond (Howard) and Phyllis Clalvering (Angel) are finally going to make it to their own wedding, a cooky historian (Harvey) shows up on the doorstep and says he comes to search for a massive treasure hidden in the catacombs below the Drummond family's ancestral home. A treasure hunt isn't enough to disrupt the wedding plans--Drummond thinks that can wait until the day after he and Clavering married--but the murder of the historian is. Drummond, his friend Algy (Denny), his faithful servant Tenny (Clive), house-guest Colonel Nielsen of Scotland Yard (Warner), and even Miss Clavering are soon searching the long-abandoned tunnels in search of a treasure and a deadly killer. But it's a deadly hunt, because the killer is one step ahead of them.


"Bulldog Drummond's Secret Police" is another strong entry in the series. The physical humor is strong in this one, and the action is fast-moving, entertaining, and downright suspenseful at times. In fact, there's a scene where several of our heroes are in ancient death trap and it actually feels like they might not escape.

The regular cast is excellent as usual, and they have Reginald Denny is funnier in this installment than he as ever been before, and Clive gets some excellent zingers off as well, with Tenny's signature "I rather like it" line being used to great effect on multiple occassions. Howard and Angel once again display excellent on-screen chemistry, and the viewer can easily understand why the two characters keep trying over and over again to get married, despite Fate continuially getting in their way. (In fact, Angel is perhaps the best I've ever seen her in this film--she lights up the screen in every scene she appears in, and she ends up as one of the feistiest "damels in distress" to ever make the bad guy regret taking prisoners.)

To add to the quality, this film can even serve as a jumping-on point for those who don't want to watch from the beginning. As it unfolds, the film manages to give a quick introduction of the characters and the ongoing "Road to the Wedding" subplot that's been running through the series since "Bulldog Drummond Comes Back" without boring those of us who have watched all the previous installments.

As good as it is, this episode is not exactly perfect. First, there is a very annoying, very stupid comic relief character that makes Algy look like a genius. Second, there's a problem with the villain of this episode. He's written in a very sinister fashion, he's got some good lines, and he proves to be a real threat to Our Heroes... but he's played by an actor who's nearly a non-entity compared to the high-energy performers he's surrounded by. Leo Carroll isn't exactly bad, but he's out of his league with the "Bulldog Drummond" ensamble.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: This series of "Bulldog Drummond" films reminds me more of the "Indiana Jones" series than any other films from the 1930s I've seen. Heck, there's even a death-trap scene in this one that brings part of "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" to mind... and in this installment Drummond and the gang are hunting for a lost treasure in an ancient castle!

Leave your brain off for this one....

The Brain That Wouldn't Die (aka "The Head That Wouldn't Die") (1961)
Starring: Herb Evers, Virginia Leith, Leslie Daniels, Adele Lamont, Marilyn Hanold, and Bruce Brighton
Director: Joseph Green
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Bill Cortner (Evers) is a surgeon and research scientiest who has developed new techniques for reviving dead flesh, techniques he knows will revolutionize surgery and transplants not only of organs but of limbs. After his fiance Jan (Leith) is decapiated in a car accident, he uses his techniqaue to keep her head alive while he prowls strip-joints and bikini contests for the perfect body to transplant it onto.


I promise to refrain from any "she gave great head" jokes while reviewing "The Brain That Wouldn't Die" (wait... I think I may have just broken that promise), because while this low-budget cross between "Frankenstein", "Donovan's Brain", and a cheesy exploitation flick may be exceedingly goofy, it does feature some genuinely terrifying moments.

The car accident that claims Jan's life, the scene where the Monster in the Closet gets its hands on Cortner's assistant Kurt (Daniels) and delivers a gory and ironic death to him, and Cortner's luring and poisoning of the owner of Jan's new body (Lamont), and the full revelation of the Monster--which I almost gave away with a still here, but then thought better of it--are all top-notch horrific moments. Unfortunately, they are almost without fail followed up by unintentional comedy (such as Kurt's never-ending death scene).


The film features actors who give better performances than I expected from a film like this, but they are undermined by a terrible script. To describe the dialogue in "The Brain" as stilted and flowery is being kind--some of the lines are so overblown and pompous that it's shocking that any actor could deliver them with a straight face. And just about ever single line uttered by Cortner after he starts prowling the city for a woman to serve as the recepient of Jan's head should be followed with a "bwahahahaha!" they're so pregnant with "Aren't I evil?" references and dual-meanings.

A bigger problem is that the film is padded. The exploitation parts--cat-fighting strippers, prancing bikini-babes, and the private model session given by Lamont's character--mostly detract from the narrative instead of adding to it, causing the film to drag. The purple prose that is the film's dialogue also helps drag it down below average. The good parts are good enough to keep it sinking into the depths of complete and total awfulness, but "good" is stiil not the word that should come up while giving an overall opinion on "The Brain That Wouldn't Die."

(Oh, here's a curious fact, only tangentially related to the movie. The version I viewed--included in Brentwood Video's "The Dead Walk" multi-DVD pack--has a couple of quirks about it. First, there a couple of instances where the reels aren't transferred right and we are treated to what I assume are film leads; instead of a test pattern and beeps, these leads are white and feature a male voice reciting part of a prayer, or reading lines from the Bible. The first time it happened, I had a "WTF" moment... but the second time, I realized it was a problem of some sort with the transfer to DVD. Second, the filmmakers apparently couldn't get the name of their own movie straight: It's called two different things between the opening ald closing titles, with both of the titles listed at the top of this review actually appearing on the film--one at the main title credits, and one at the end title credits.