Mohammed Monday: Coffee, the Nectar of Allah?

Here's a fun little cartoon from New Zealand's Brandon Wright in which he reveals the intimate relationship between coffee, Islam, and the Prophet Mohammed (may beans be upon him). Click to see it full size and read the text.

Coffee may be solid proof that Mohammed WAS indeed a prophet of some sort of divine entity... and that the divine black liquid drives his followers into frenzies both murderous and amorous, as it did Him, while it causes the sex drive and genitals of Christian men to wither.

This simple cartoon may explain why the Muslim population is exploding around the world (in any meaning you choose to take that) and Western populations are shrinking. Maybe the Mormons have it right--coffee is eeeeevil!

Or maybe the Prophet Mohammed was just a whack job, and British men had queer ways in the 17th century (in any meaning you choose to take that).

To see more Brandon's artwork, visit his website by clicking here.

Everyone's a suspect, even the chimpanzee!

Curtain at Eight (aka "Backstage Mystery") (1933)
Starring: C. Aubrey Smith, Paul Cavanagh, Sam Hardy, Dorothy Mackaill, Natalie Moorehead, Herman Bing, Russell Hopton, and Syd Saylor
Director: E. Mason Hopper
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

When the lights are suddenly turned off, obnoxious stage actor Wylie Thornton (Cavanagh) is shot to death at his own backstage birthday party. Homicide detectives Havney and Gallagher (Smith and Hardy) have their work cut out for them, as everyone in the building--including the trick-shooting trained chimp--had numerous reasons for wanting Thornton dead.

"Curtain at Eight" is a neat mystery film that meticulously sets up its suspects and murder victims in the first half, including the gun-wielding chimp, and then unleashes an odd-couple of detectives on them during its second half. It's the standard formula for this genre and it's well implemented here, even if the second half is just a little bit too comedic for my tastes.

Stars Paul Cavanagh (as the womanizing, self-centered actor who is his own biggest fan), C. Aubrey Smith (as the experienced, sharp-eyed and sharp-minded police detective), and Sam Hardy (as the inexperienced, dimwitted colleague he has been saddled with) are all perfect in their parts. While Hardy is at times a bit too much to take with his moronic cop antics, more effective comedic bits come from supporting players Herman Bing and Syd Saylor helps the more unpalatable aspects of his character easier to swallow. The steady parade of 1930s eye candy provided by the stylish female members of the cast also goes a long way to making the film enjoyable for fans of old time movies.

And, of course, it's a must-see if you are as obsessed with monkeys and apes as low-budget movie producers in the 1930s and 1940s seemed to be. This one, the ape is actually a real ape, rather than some guy in a suit. And even if you aren't obsessed with apes, I think this might be a film that will stick in your head as "the one where the chimp as a gun".

"Curtain at Eight" was one of the many movies from small studios of the 1930s that was considered lost. A print was uncovered, however, when the advent of DVDs (and the relatively cheap and easy duplication methods involved, once a film's been digitized) sent people scurrying into attics, basements, janitorial closets, and dusty vaults looking for misplaced movies. I recommend you take advantage of this digital age to experience that which was lost and now has been found. It's a pleasant way to spend an hour.

Picture Perfect Wednesday: Thanksgiving Birds

Getting a turkey for the traditional American Thanksgiving dinner wasn't always as easy as Adele August makes it look.

The early settlers in the United States, the Pilgrims, had to struggle for food and survival. If left to their own devices, they might well have starved to death.

Fortunately, the Wampanoag Indian tribe came to the aid of the Pilgrims. In 1621, the two communities shared a Thanksgiving feast that started a tradition that continues nearly 400 years later.

On the fourth Thursday of November, Americans gather with friends and families to give thanks for the bountiful blessings in our lives and to admire great-looking birds.







I hope all my American readers have a pleasant and safe Thanksgiving dinner with friends and family tomorrow. The hope of a safe day goes double for the men and women in the military and law enforcement who put themselves on the line to protect the rest of us.

Mohammed Monday: Silly Mo!

The cartoon below originally appeared on this blog as part of the international celebration of freedom of expression that was Everybody Draw Mohammed Day. It makes me wonder who is sillier... Mohammed or the idol-worshipers (the Mo-rons) who threaten to murder anyone who draws a picture of their false god.

For those new in these parts, Mohammed Mondays will continue at least through the end of 2010. It was started as a response to psychopathic Muslims and Mo-rons and their enablers in the American press forcing the lady who inspired Everybody Draw Mohammed Day into hiding. Click here for background information.

'The Mystery Train' deserves attention

The Mystery Train (1931)
Starring: Marceline Day, Hedda Hopper, Nick Stuart, Al Cooke, Carol Tevis, and Bryant Washburn
Director: Phil Whitman
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

Sociopathic socialite Marion Radcliffe (Hopper) helps Joan (Day), a beautiful convicted criminal, escape from custody and makes her part of an elaborate scheme to force her to marry millionaire bachelor Ronald Stanthorpe (Stuart). Marion hopes to gain control of Ronald's fortune to replace her own lost fortune, but her plans start to unravel when Joan and Ronald truly fall in love, and it turns out that Joan was actually framed for her supposed crime and the authorities are not seeking her to put in her prison but to exonerate her.

"The Mystery Train" is an intrigue- and action-packed tale that packs more romance, comedy, and suspense into its 62-minute running time than many movies with twice the length manage to offer. The script is tight and lean, with not a scrap of padding in evidence as its characters move through the effectively paced and well-filmed scenes and story twists involving a train wreck, blackmail, cat-and-mouse with police detectives, stolen jewels... all of it leading to a suspenseful climax on a runaway, decoupled passenger train car that is carrying both heroes and villains to a certain doom.

Hedda Hopper does a nice job playing the vicious, scheming Radcliffe and Marceline Day is perfect as the innocent girl she is trying to use as her way back to unlimited wealth. Nick Stuart is a notch above the usual male leads in films like this, coming across as likable and charming rather than annoying or bland as is typical. The comic relief has even held up better to the passage of time than that in most B-movies of this vintage, with Al Cooke and Carol Tevis playing a pair of train-riding, barely newlyweds whose marriage is already on the rocks.

But this film isn't as good as it is just because because of the talented cast being served by a well-written script. Unlike many other films from this period set on trains, some effort was actually made by the director and effects people to make it seem like the actors are actually onboard a train. Using sound and motion, and even some unsteady steps as actors move through hallways, laudable and successful attempts to create the illusion of being on a moving train are made.

All in all, "The Mystery Train" is one of the many movies from the early days of talkies that doesn't deserve the obscurity it fell into. I recommend it to lovers of classic detective stories and dramas.

'The Maltese Falcon' is a mystery classic

The Maltese Falcon (1941)
Starring: Humphrey Bogart, Mary Astor, Peter Lorre, Sydney Greenstreet, Gladys George, and Elisha Cook Jr.
Director: John Huston
Rating: Ten of Ten Starts

When private detective Sam Spade (Bogart) tries to solve the mystery surrounding the murder of his partner, he finds himself drawn into a struggle between eccentric treasure hunters (Greenstreet and Lorre) and a beautiful con artist who may or may not also be a coldhearted killer (Astor). At stake is the Maltese Falcon, a treasure of almost unimaginable value.

"The Maltese Falcon" is one of the few movies that truly deserves the label "classic." It's a perfectly paced detective story, with just the right mix of suspense and humor to bring out the maximum effectiveness of both elements as they play off each other.

The characters are quirky and unpredictable to the point where the final outcome of the story remains in question until the final few minutes of the film, and each actor is perfectly cast in their role. Even better, every line of dialogue is perfectly crafted and delivered with spot-on timing.

In fact, everything in this film is about as perfect as a film could possibly be. If you're a fan of the hardboiled detective genre or mysteries in general and you haven't yet seen this masterpiece, you owe it to yourself to change that.

Humphrey Bogart as the deeply flawed hero Sam Spade is particularly excellent in the part, as a man with questionable moral values yet a firm personal code of honor who finds a woman (Mary Astor's Brigid O'Shaughnessy) who at first seems capable of bringing out the best in him, but who ultimately may end up bringing out the absolute worst in him. While Spade is constantly fighting verbally and physically with the Lorre, Cook and Greenstreet's villains, it is Brigid who is Spade's main foil and she turns out to be one of the screen's greatest femme fatales, because Astor brings a vulnerability to a character who may be the hardest of any of the hard cases that populate this story that goes a long way to keeping the mysteries swirling through the plot open questions until the very end. As amusing and dramatic as Lorre and Greenstreet's performances are, it is Astor who is the true driver of the story, providing a great portrayal of a character that is almost as important as Bogart's Sam Spade when it comes to the success of this film.

There are only a handful of movies that I've watched more than once. "The Maltese Falcon" is one of those. Check it out, and I'm sure you'll see why.






Trivia: "The Maltese Falcon" was the third adaptation of the Hammett novel by the same title. This goes to show that not all remakes are bad. Some are even improvements on the original film. (Although, by all accounts, the 1931 and 1936 versions are pretty good, too, with the 19365 version being a spoof. I haven't seen either of those older movies yet, but both other versions are included in the DVD edition I've linked to above while the Blue-Ray edition only includes the 1936 comedy version, "Satan Met a Lady".)

Picture Perfect Wednesday: Attack of the Astro-Zombies!

Astro-Zombies are murderous, science-created monsters that have been featured in three (so far) movies from B-movie auteur Ted V. Mikels. You can click here to read about the production of 2002 film "Mark of the Astro-Zombies", and here to read my reviews of both "Astro-Zombies" and "Mark of the Astro-Zombies".

Here's the best Astro-Zombie art from a gallery that is located at www.tedvmikels.com. Dating from around 2003, the illustrations are by some of the best comic book artists working then and now. You can click on the individual illos to see larger versions, and if the artist has a website with more of his work, click on his name to visit it.

No matter what you might think of Mikels' movies, these are great drawings.

By "Buzz"

By Adam Hughes

By Frank Brunner

By Mike Hoffman

By Jerry Bingham

By Sal Velluto

By Mike Grell

By Norm Breyfogle

By Mike Deodato Jr.

By Kevin Conrad

By Tom Nguyen

Mohammed Monday: The Joy of the Prophet Muhammad Painting

Originally presented as part of the world-wide Everybody Draw Mohammed Day, this cartoon first appeared at www.friendlyatheist.com. It's a spoof of the famous Bob Ross "Joy of Painting" instructional television show and books. (And if more Muslims decided to exchange painting for their current hobbies of mayhem and murder, the world would be far, far better place.)

'Nova' is mediocre 1970s sci-fi/superhero comics

Essential Nova (Marvel Comics, 2006)

Writers: Marv Wolfman and Len Wein
Artists: John Buscema, Sal Buscema, Carmine Infantino, Frank Giacoia, Tom Palmer, et.al.
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Some comic book series start start out strong and die whimpering. The majority start in mediocrity and end in mediocrity, and that is the case with the series "A Man Called Nova", which is presented in its entirely, along with Nova's guest appearances in "Amazing Spider-Man" and "Marvel Two-in-One", in this entry in Marvel's massive, low-cost reprint book series "Essential Marvel."

Created and written by Marv Wolfman, "A Man Called Nova" centers of Richard Rider, a perfectly average high-schooler who is chosen by a dying alien soldier to be the inheritor of his mantle and his powers. Rider's first excursion as a superhero pits him against the destroyer of the distant alien world of Xandar, where his benefactor originated, and he later battles against the enigmatic Sphinx, the high-flying Condor, the bizarre Corruptor, the mad Blacklight, and many other colorful foes. Eventually, Rider is drawn into outer space, a war with the Skrull, and a race between the Sphinx and the insane machine-man Dr. Sun to control the living computers of far away Xandar.

For most of 500+ pages of comics that are presented in the book, Richard Rider/Nova place a distant, boring second to the villains he faces. Rider is simply TOO average to be interesting, and the same is true of his super-hero identity: He can fly really fast, he's super-strong, he can take a punch like nobody else... and his helmet folds like cloth when he takes it off. And that about sums it up.

The villains he fights would almost all make better stars of a comic book than he does with the Condor--a would-be kingpin of crime whose main shtick is super-science--and the Sphinx--who is questing for the secrets of the universe so he might end his immortal existence--making Nova look particularly boring when they squared off against him.

It isn't until the series is about to be cancelled that it started getting interesting, and even mildly at that. Although, like so many superhero titles, "The Man Called Nova" flirted with science fiction, the last 1/8th of the book starts moving completely in that direction. A few of the earlier stories in the book--and the best ones, by the way--had drawn heavily on sci-fi, but the majority of them were tepid super-hero stories "the Marvel Way." I suspect that if Wolfman had gone with the sci-fi angle consistently from the outset, and moved more quickly toward the Sphinx/Xandar/Skrull War storyline (which seems to have been planned from the outset), I think the original series may have been able to find an audience.






Trivia: Nova became the object of a copyright suit filed by Marv Wolfman against Marvel Comics. He wanted the rights back to the character, because he had originally created one that was very similar while a fan. He lost his case. (Let that be a lesson to all you creative out there: If you think you love a character well enough that you want to keep it yours forever, DON'T use it or some close approximation of it to fill obligations you enter into under work-for-hire agreements.)

This is your brain on drugs....

... or something very close to it. This 1931 cartoon is about as trippy as they come!