'The Giant Claw' is attached to a fun turkey

The Giant Claw (1957)
Starring: Jeff Morrow and Mara Corday
Director: Fred F. Sears
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

An electrical engineer who happens to be dabble in molecular physics on the side (Morrow) and his mathematician Girl Friday (Corday) work with the United States military to find a way to defeat an invulnerable giant anti-matter bird from outer space that has come to Earth to nest (and eat planes, trains, the United Nations Building, and joyriding teenagers).

"The Giant Claw" is a film that demonstrates that the cheesy science fiction movie hasn't changed in 50 years. I'll leave it up to you to decide if that means this film was ahead of its time, or if it means we should be sad over the state of the art of the genre film. Me, I enjoyed this movie the same way I enjoy the goofy monster films that appear on Sci-Fi Channel during "the most dangerous night of television."

The pacing, tone, and quality of acting of this movie is almost identical to "Monster Ark", a Sci-Fi Channel Original Picture that I saw a while back. Heck, the monsters in the two films are equally goofy looking and they're both animated through the cheapest possible effects of the day. (The alien buzzard in "The Giant Claw" is a marionette attacking miniatures, while the creature in "Monster Ark" is a CGI creature of dubious quality attacking similarly dubiously animated targets or actors performing with bad gore effects.)

If you've enjoyed any of the Sci-Fi Channel's monster movies, you should also give this film a try. Even if you haven't, it's worth a look if your monster movie viewing experience isn't ruined by a little silliness. Unlike many 1950s low-budget monster movies, "The Giant Claw" wastes no time getting started and it keeps going at a fast clip for its entire 76-minute running time.

As silly as the giant space buzzard looks, the crunching sounds as it eats the crew of a plane who attempted to parachute to safety and the anti-matter death-from-above it visits upon a carload of teenagers are actually some pretty good monster movie moments by any standard. Jeff Morrow and Mara Corday also make a good on-screen team.

Check out "The Giant Claw". At the very least, slate it for inclusion in a Bad Movie Night line-up. It's almost tailor-made for such an event!

Extra Picture Perfect Wednesday:The Milla Jovovich Quarterly

Continuing the habit of featuring Milla Jovovich on Picture Perfect Wednesday every three months, we present a look at her methods of preparing for physically demanding action movie roles.

For more Milla, click here for a trio of pictures that show her development from the start of her modeling career to the present day, as part of a research project that proves she has caused earthquakes around the world.

Picture Perfect Wednesday: Merry Christmas from Uncle Creepy

Drawing by Bernie Wrightson. Click here for his website.

'Stranglers of Bombay' is an excellent Hammer adventure film

Stranglers of Bombay (1959)
Starring: Guy Rolfe, George Pastell, Allan Cuthbertson, Marne Maitland, Andrew Cruickshank, Roger Delgado, Jan Holden, Davis Spenser, and Tutte Lemkow
Director: Terence Fisher
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

An officer of the East India Company (Rolfe) battles ignorance and classism among the Indians as he tries to unlock the mystery behind mass disappearances across India, as well as the growing number of vanishing merchant caravans. He soon becomes a target himself, when the death-worshiping Thugees behind the disappearances decide to sacrifice him to their goddess Kali before he reveals they have infiltrated every layer of Indian society, even the British East India Company itself.

"Stranglers of Bombay" is a classic classic pulp-fiction style adventure tale with a heroic protagonist battling against dark and sinister forces that everyone else is either too ignorant or too scared to confront. It's also got a chilling horror vibe running through it, sparked by the hero being the only person who seems to want to take the threat of the Kali cult seriously and ignited fully when viewers get to witness the evil brutality of the cultists in the name of their goddess and the long reach of their leaders. The film takes on an even more frightening tone when one considers that it is based in part on actual historical facts.

Some out there with heightened sensitivities to political correctness may watch this movie with growing indignation over the "racism" present, what with a valiant White Man fighting to save civilization from Dark-skinned Savages. As is so often the case, those viewers will be too busy looking for offense to pay attention to what is really going on in the film.

Out of all the characters in the film, there is one single person who gives a damn about the victims of the Thugees and that is Guy Rolfe's obsessive truth-seeker Captain Lewis. The English merchants and troops employed by the East India Company only care about profits, the Indians don't care so long as victims aren't of their caste or religion, and every major character in the film except Lewis is complicit in their own way in allowing the Kali cult to operate and spread. One could make the case that Indian society would not have degenerated to the point where its people were incapable of mustering even the smallest degree of human compassion across religious and societal divisions if not for the commercial influences of the British Empire from the 17th century onward, but then one would be taking the same stance the film does; "Stranglers of Bombay" is even-handed in its indictment of British and Indian society of the time.

As for the film itself, it's a product of Hammer's Golden Age of Gothic. (Which would be something else those busily finding reasons to be offended might miss; the "corrupting alien other" is part and parcel with the genre this film belongs to.) It's therefore no surprise that Terence Fisher, the man responsible for Hammer's other great gothic adventure-tinged horror tales--even if the emphasis here is more on adventure than horror--was in the director's chair for this one as well. The film benefits tremendously for Fisher's talent for capturing exactly the right images and performances, as well as his ability to make even the cheapest movie look like it was made for ten times the budget.

While cast is okay, there is no one here who truly stands out the way Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, or even Andrew Keir did. Guy Rolfe is a decent enough actor, but he works primarily in the role because the audience quickly develops deep sympathy for him because he is working under idiot superiors who are more concerned with a person's social standing than competency--as demonstrated when Lewis is set aside for an unqualified high-born officer when it comes to leading the investigation into the disappearances--and who believe that their social rank alone makes them competent. Rolfe works because Allan Cuthbertson and Andrew Cruickshank project the snobbery and gross ignorance of their characters so clearly that viewers dislike them more than the film's viler villains, the Kali cultists.

As for the cultists, they are okay, but not spectacular. George Pastell is passable as the evil high priest, but even for 1959 he was a bit on the tame and gentile side. Marne Maitland is similarly okay in his role as a displaced Indian "headman" who seems to have allied himself with the Thugee out of a thirst for revenge more than anything--and I'm not giving away the plot here... at this late date, it would be a surprise if he wasn't in league with the villains--but that's it. The most interesting villain is a mute bit-player--the busty Marie Devereux--who is the only woman seen in the Kali temple or at their rituals. She reportedly had a bigger role in the film before the British censors decided to protect the world from her leering excitedly at the sight of men being tortured, but I doubt there would have been more of an explanation as to what she was doing at the rituals than we got. One can't help but wonder; how twisted and evil would a girl have to be to get a place at the heart of a male dominated death cult?

Marie Devereux as Kali's breast--um--best girl!

"Stranglers of Bombay" is available in the four-movie pack "Icons of Adventure," and it is actually one of the lesser offerings in that set. Check it out to see that Hammer Films could tackle adventure films as effectively as they could horror movies and thrillers.







(The preview for "Stranglers of Bombay", included as a bonus feature in the set is a lot of fun by itself. "See mongoose battle snake for a man's life ... in Strangloscope!")

Mohammed Monday: Coffee, the Nectar of Allah?

Here's a fun little cartoon from New Zealand's Brandon Wright in which he reveals the intimate relationship between coffee, Islam, and the Prophet Mohammed (may beans be upon him). Click to see it full size and read the text.

Coffee may be solid proof that Mohammed WAS indeed a prophet of some sort of divine entity... and that the divine black liquid drives his followers into frenzies both murderous and amorous, as it did Him, while it causes the sex drive and genitals of Christian men to wither.

This simple cartoon may explain why the Muslim population is exploding around the world (in any meaning you choose to take that) and Western populations are shrinking. Maybe the Mormons have it right--coffee is eeeeevil!

Or maybe the Prophet Mohammed was just a whack job, and British men had queer ways in the 17th century (in any meaning you choose to take that).

To see more Brandon's artwork, visit his website by clicking here.

Everyone's a suspect, even the chimpanzee!

Curtain at Eight (aka "Backstage Mystery") (1933)
Starring: C. Aubrey Smith, Paul Cavanagh, Sam Hardy, Dorothy Mackaill, Natalie Moorehead, Herman Bing, Russell Hopton, and Syd Saylor
Director: E. Mason Hopper
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

When the lights are suddenly turned off, obnoxious stage actor Wylie Thornton (Cavanagh) is shot to death at his own backstage birthday party. Homicide detectives Havney and Gallagher (Smith and Hardy) have their work cut out for them, as everyone in the building--including the trick-shooting trained chimp--had numerous reasons for wanting Thornton dead.

"Curtain at Eight" is a neat mystery film that meticulously sets up its suspects and murder victims in the first half, including the gun-wielding chimp, and then unleashes an odd-couple of detectives on them during its second half. It's the standard formula for this genre and it's well implemented here, even if the second half is just a little bit too comedic for my tastes.

Stars Paul Cavanagh (as the womanizing, self-centered actor who is his own biggest fan), C. Aubrey Smith (as the experienced, sharp-eyed and sharp-minded police detective), and Sam Hardy (as the inexperienced, dimwitted colleague he has been saddled with) are all perfect in their parts. While Hardy is at times a bit too much to take with his moronic cop antics, more effective comedic bits come from supporting players Herman Bing and Syd Saylor helps the more unpalatable aspects of his character easier to swallow. The steady parade of 1930s eye candy provided by the stylish female members of the cast also goes a long way to making the film enjoyable for fans of old time movies.

And, of course, it's a must-see if you are as obsessed with monkeys and apes as low-budget movie producers in the 1930s and 1940s seemed to be. This one, the ape is actually a real ape, rather than some guy in a suit. And even if you aren't obsessed with apes, I think this might be a film that will stick in your head as "the one where the chimp as a gun".

"Curtain at Eight" was one of the many movies from small studios of the 1930s that was considered lost. A print was uncovered, however, when the advent of DVDs (and the relatively cheap and easy duplication methods involved, once a film's been digitized) sent people scurrying into attics, basements, janitorial closets, and dusty vaults looking for misplaced movies. I recommend you take advantage of this digital age to experience that which was lost and now has been found. It's a pleasant way to spend an hour.

Picture Perfect Wednesday: Thanksgiving Birds

Getting a turkey for the traditional American Thanksgiving dinner wasn't always as easy as Adele August makes it look.

The early settlers in the United States, the Pilgrims, had to struggle for food and survival. If left to their own devices, they might well have starved to death.

Fortunately, the Wampanoag Indian tribe came to the aid of the Pilgrims. In 1621, the two communities shared a Thanksgiving feast that started a tradition that continues nearly 400 years later.

On the fourth Thursday of November, Americans gather with friends and families to give thanks for the bountiful blessings in our lives and to admire great-looking birds.







I hope all my American readers have a pleasant and safe Thanksgiving dinner with friends and family tomorrow. The hope of a safe day goes double for the men and women in the military and law enforcement who put themselves on the line to protect the rest of us.

Mohammed Monday: Silly Mo!

The cartoon below originally appeared on this blog as part of the international celebration of freedom of expression that was Everybody Draw Mohammed Day. It makes me wonder who is sillier... Mohammed or the idol-worshipers (the Mo-rons) who threaten to murder anyone who draws a picture of their false god.

For those new in these parts, Mohammed Mondays will continue at least through the end of 2010. It was started as a response to psychopathic Muslims and Mo-rons and their enablers in the American press forcing the lady who inspired Everybody Draw Mohammed Day into hiding. Click here for background information.