Happy birthday to Madeline Smith!

British actress Madeline Smith is known to Hammer Horror fans for her roles in films like "Frankenstein and the Monster From Hell" (1973) and to action movie fans for her turn as a secondary Bond Girl in "Live and Let Die" (also 1973), but has also been seen in TV roles, large and small, for more than five decades.

Here's a very spicy photo of Ms. Smith from her Hammer Horror days, in observance of her 73rd birthday!

Musical Monday with Ethel Merman & Betty Boop

Screen Songs: Let Me Call You Sweetheart (1932)
Starring: Ethel Merman, Billy Murray, and Mae Questal
Director: Dave Fleisher and Shamus Culhane
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

After a nanny (Betty Boop, voiced by Questal) turns down his advances, a police officer (Bimbo, voiced by Murray) proceeds to rape her while putting the baby she's supposed to care for in deadly danger. Meanwhile, Ethel Merman invites viewers to join her in singing "Let Me Call You Sweetheart".

 I watched "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" twice, with four days between viewings, just to make sure I hadn't been in a dark frame of mind when I viewed it the first time. I hadn't been.

The cartoon sequences are among the most disturbing I think I've ever come across... because the sense is that there's nothing wrong with the fact that Bilbo is a police officer who forces is "affection" on a clearly-not-interested Betty Boop. Also, we're clearly supposed to find it hilarious that Bilbo, while setting about to rape Betty,  intentionally kicks the baby carriage she was tending, sending it careening down a hill where it and the baby ultimately plunges and sinks into a pond. Although the baby doesn't die (no one really thought that it would, did they?) and is saved via some visually amusing cartoon antics, the circumstances under which it is placed in danger are so distasteful it was hard for me to enjoy it. Just to make the Betty and Bimbo sequence as repulsive as possible, the animators later show them in a state of blissful embrace--Betty really wanted it all along, see?--where we should have seen her standing over Bimbo's broken and twisted corpse.

For all my irritation at main animated sequence of this Screen Songs installment, I can also see a possibility that it was intended as an ironic juxtaposition of the featured song, "Let Me Call You Sweetheart", because the on-screen lyrics get really crazy type-setting wise toward the end. The animated sequence after the Ethel Merman sing-along section supports this idea, as it features a predator singing "Let me Call You Sweet-heart" while chasing down its prey. (Bimbo and Betty being shown in a loving embrace after he forces himself upon her in a brutal fashion undermines that interpretation though. Unless one assumes they were "roleplaying"...)

Although I had a very hard time enjoying this cartoon, I recognize it's well-animated with some amusing visual, quickly paced, and features a pleasant song, hence the Seven-Star rating. I just can't get past some of the messaging. (Oh... and while I can't think of a way to do rape "right", the creators of this cartoon and this one did present child endangerment in a fashion that was more amusing than troubling.)

But are the flaws of "Let Me Call Me Sweetheart" are severe as I feel they are? Take a look for yourself and let me know!

Bones Coffee's What the Fluff?!

Bones Coffee...whenever we think we're at the end of what they have to offer, they spring a new flavor on us! And more often than not, the artwork on the packaging is just as much fun to look at as the coffee is to drink!

She's dancing along the boardwalk, in search of coffee and cotton candy!

 

BONES COFFEE COMPANY: WHAT THE FLUFF?!

The marketing department and roasters at Bones Coffee once again take a shot at answering a question that no one asked: "What would it taste like if we dipped a bunch of cotton candy in a cup of coffee?" (Or maybe the truck delivering beans to the roastery collided with a cotton candy vendor towing is booth to the county fair... and they figured, "What the hell, let's go with it!" OR maybe it came about the same way many of the ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game supplements came about... we thought of a great title and then came up with the product to match it.)

And calling this blend What the Fluff?! is brilliant. It immediately made me curious about what it might be. The cartoon on the packaging was also weird enough to pique my interest further, because it made me go "what the f--- is he doing with those teddy bears? it even provides a third option for the speculation about this blend's origin above: The Bones Mascot harvested the demonic essences from evil teddy bears and then used that evil for good by bringing the world another amazing coffee flavor.

When the bag is first opened, there is the unmistakable smell of those magically spun bits of flavored and colored sugar we refer to as cotton candy. It wasn't as strong an aroma as some Bones blends, but it was strong enough to kick up the anticipation. As the coffee brewed, and as I poured the first cup, that sweet, somewhat undefinable aroma hung in the air. Again, it wasn't as strong as some Bones offerings, but it was unmistakable.

When I tried the coffee without anything added, it had a pleasant taste, with the coffee and a flavor I couldn't quite place mixing so mellowly that I could probably drink it this blend black. An aftertaste started to build as I drank more--bitter and sour--but that could just have been a natural effect from the coffee... one I rarely notice because I drank more of this black than I normally would have in an attempt to identify the flavor. It seemed vaguely berry-like, but I wasn't sure and thought that maybe I was just assuming that because Bones seems to excel at berry-flavored coffee. (But I wasn't surprised that the flavor didn't seem to quite line up with the aroma... that is something I've experienced with Bones blends before.)

When I added unsweetened almond milk to the blend, I found that the liquids did not mix at all well. The vaguely berry flavor was still there, but a dirt-like flavor emerged. It still didn't taste like cotton candy, though... which I guess is a good thing, because coffee that tastes like a cotton candy stick that's been dropped in the dirt would be depressing.

When I tried What the Fluff?! with sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer, the berry flavors really popped and that strange aftertaste that was present when I drank it black became very muted but it never completely went away. I still didn't notice any cotton candy; maybe I just don't know what cotton candy tastes like? At room temperature, the flavors remained mostly as they were when the blend is consumed hot, aftertaste and all.

This blend worked best when iced, either black or mixed with sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer. I still don't think I was put in mind of cotton candy while drinking this, but the berry flavors were great, almost softdrink-like. Unfortunately, that aftertaste was still present... and it was joined by a touch of the saltiness that sometimes emerges in Bones Coffee blends when they are consumed iced. Both the aftertaste and the saltiness were very mild, but they built in my mouth as I consumed the blend  iced, so perhaps it's only an issue if you drink your coffee by the mugful instead of a more civilized coffee cup size. 

As I swallowed the final mouthful of What the Fluff?! that I'd brewed from the sample pack I'd gotten, I still had not figured out what the berry flavor was. I wondered if "berry flavor" is what cotton candy tasted like, and I was just misremembering. And, honestly, I couldn't tell you what cotton candy tastes like, but I feel certain that it's not what this coffee tastes like.

And I can't help but think that the people at the Bones Coffee Company eventually came to the same conclusion. The package states What the Fluff!? is just cotton candy flavored, but if you go to the Bones Coffee website, it describes the blend as tasking like "sweet cotton candy flavor with a twist of fresh berry."

It seems that maybe they made a blend that has a mixed berry flavor with a twist of sweet cotton candy? Or, like I said, maybe my mind and tastebuds are playing tricks on me, and I have idea what cotton candy is supposed to taste like.

Even if I feel like it didn't quite hit the mark, I think this is an okay blend to drink black or with creamers... so long as you don't drink alot of it too fast, because of that aforementioned aftertaste. If you're a fan of other of Bones' berry-flavored coffees, I suspect you might like this one, too.

And, if you want that pure cotton candy flavor, or can't get your hands on some of the What the Fluff?! blend, you can always follow the example of this lovely lady (as photographed by Nina Leen). Just head down to the nearest boardwalk or traveling carnival! 

Hey, you could even try dipping the cotton candy in a cup of coffee to see what happens. (Although people might look at you like the cotton candy vendor in the background of that last shot.)

Space Girl Adventures, Part Twenty-six

What Has Gone Before: The Spacegirl has been captured by a ruthless alien crimelord who has made her an offer she can't refuse.

SPACEGIRL

By Travis Charest

To Be Continued...

An important announcement from the Slaughter Valley Authority

There's some critical information that we want make sure all of our fellow Slaughter Valley residents to know regarding the Similarity Agents that were introduced earlier this month. Please watch this short informational video. (We also encourage you to check it out if you intend to visit us at any time in the near future.)

How are the ballerinas spending summer?

On International Dance Day 2022, the ballerinas ran off into the wild. We're trying to keep track of them, and we'll try to bring you updates on the last Wednesday of each month until International Dance Day 2023.

During this summer, some of the ballerinas are hanging out at the beach...

... while others are just lounging in the sun wherever they find themselves.

And a few are trying to beat the heat by getting out of the sun in caves and shadow-filled edges of deep forest glades.

 
 

Bessie Love and the Spirit-Infused Coffee

In early 1925, actress and secret crusader against supernatural evil Bessie Love stopped a monstrous scheme to spread madness and destruction throughout Los Angeles and beyond by infusing demonic spirits into coffee beans that would then be shipped throughout southern California. By going under cover in a coffee shop, she traced the origins of the demon-possessed coffee beans and put an end to the cabal of devil-worshipers behind it. She also made sure that any remaining coffee they'd performed their ritual on was destroyed.

Bessie Love, undercover and hunting for cursed coffee.

As long-time visitors to Shades of Gray are undoubtedly aware, we reveal long-hidden secrets about silent movie star Bessie Love on an irregular basis. In those posts, we typically include some roleplaying game rules inspired by her adventures. We add to the series today, with something that's a little different: We're offering an RPG scenario idea inspired by Bessie's adventure.

THE MYSTERY OF THE DEADLY COFFEE

A Modern-Era Adventure Idea by Steve Miller

THE BEGINNING
A sudden rash of violent murders against either random people, coworkers, or family members, is plaguing the city and slowly spreading across the nation. If the murderer is taken alive, he or she claims to have no memory of what happened. The only common thread is that Spirit-Infused Coffee (a medium-roast made from Arabica beans) has been found in the home or workplace of the killers. Standard analysis of the coffee shows no toxins or unexpected ingrediencies. Even if it is banned from stores, there's no way to stop the firm from offering it via mail order, and their legal team crush anyone who tries to interfer with the selling of the coffee. In fact, the claims that it might be driving people to murder becomes the motivating factor for TikTok Challenges.

WHAT'S GOING ON?
The coffee is literally infused with spirits. Demons are summoned during the roasting process, and they are literally cooked into the beans, and those who drink the coffee are extremely likely to fall victim to demonic possession.

EFFECTS OF DRINKING SPIRIT-INFUSED COFFEE
Roll 3d6 against the following table to determine what happens to those who drink the Spirit-Infused Coffee:
   3. Nothing but a pleasant caffeine jolt.
   4-5. Characters become overly horny and will be on a constant hunt for sexual partners. When advances are rebuffed, they must make successful Will saves (DC13) or attack the target of lust.
   6-7. Characters constantly desire food and drink, and it has to be high quality. When denied, or served bad food, the characters must make successful Will saves (DC13) or attempt to kill anyone who is perceived as standing in the way of a desired meal.
   8-9. Character must roll a Will save (DC13) whenever they are around cash or in shops. If the saving throw fails, they attempt to steal the money or some valuable item from the store. Anyone who tries to stop them is violently attacked.
   10-11. Characters stop going to work and instead just lounge about their homes all day, sleeping whenever possible. If the coffee is consumed at work, they must make successful Will saves (DC13) or immediately stop work and just be lazy. Anyone who tries to get them to stop sitting around is violently attacked.
   12-13. Once per hour characters must roll Will saves (DC13) or be filled with homicidal rage against the nearest, most obvious target. (If it's someone or something in some sort of media, the characters must seek that person or place out). The rage lasts until the target is eliminated, and will grow to encompass anyone perceived as being between the characters and their ultmate target.
   14-15. Characters who see someone displaying obvious wealth, someone who is physically attractive, or who may simply just be enjoying a good time with friends, must roll Will saves (DC13) or violently attack that person. They will also attempt to steal whatever valuables the target is carrying. (This could be mugging, or a mass-killing, depending on the situation.)
   16-17. Characters become extremely self-satisfied and filled with pride over everthing they they do. They will constantly brag about themselves and demand recognition and praise. They must roll successful Will saves (DC13) if anyone denies their greatness, or violently attack the offender.
   18. Nothing but a pleasant caffeine jolt.

The evil spirit that has been infused into the coffee drinker remains in his or her body for six days, or until a Will save is failed. During that time, the coffee drinker cannot be possessed by other demons, no matter how much of the spirit-infused coffee they might drink. The coffee drinker will have only the haziest of recollections of the time he or she was possessed, and will remember nothing once he or she turns violent.

ENDING THE THREAT
It will be up to the PCs to discover the true nature of Spirit-Infused Coffee and stop the spread of evil! They will have to get into the roastery and destroy the ritual site, and kill the demonologist behind the scheme. If their IDs are discovered during this process, they will find themselves hounded by the law firm (who are literally devils' advocates), even if they avoid any consequences from the authorities.

--

The section "Effects of Drinking Spirit-Infused Coffee" is released under the Open Game License and may be reproduced in accordance with its terms. Copyright Steve Miller 2022

Also in the general area of acknowledgements, we want to state that this post was inspired by real-world "spirit-infused coffee". When ad ad for coffee augmented with the flavors of various forms of hard liquor showed up in Steve Miller's Facebook feed, the idea for an adventure scenario popped into his head. (And if the roastery that was the inadvertent inspiration for this post comes along, recognizes the image of their product that we appropriated and modified--please don't us!)

Come Live Forever on this Musical Monday

In 1984, Alphaville released one of their greatest songs and biggest hits, "Forever Young". They released at least three different versions of the song (two of which were on their self-titled debut album from that same year), each one better than the previous. It's a song from which I've personally drawn much creative inspiration over the years, and it was a song many European Gen Xers loved. (Americans might have loved it too... I don't know if Alphaville made it over to the States or not.)

It's a song that's been covered many times, by many different performers. In the early 2000s, Mr. Hudson recorded this cover. Then, in 209, Mr. Hudson teamed up with rapper Jay-Z to record this... well... it's not really a cover, but it's got way too much of "Forever Young" incorporated to be considered an original work. So--a remake? Yes. Let's call it a remake.

In 2009, rapper Jay-Z teamed up with singer Mr. Hudson to remake "Forever Young" for a new generation, carrying much of the same messages. While it couldn't have existed without Alphaville's song, it is an interesting work in its own right. Watch the video, listen to the lyrics, let me know if you agree.

Jay-Z's version was reportedly a hit in its own right, so it's not surprising that it spawned a parody or two. In fact, it was a parody of that version that made me aware of Jay-Z's remake in the first place--a track by comedian Keith From Up Da Block that I recently came across in the distant corners of YouTube. It starts out a bit rough--Keith should not quit his day job for a career in music--but it is very funny if you stick with it. Check it out:

World Market's Holiday Eggnog

World Market isn't a chain I'm terribly familiar with. From my only visit to one of their stores, they seem to position themselves as a hip department store that offers a little bit of everything--including their own brand of coffee. Among the flavors they offer are a series of Christmas-themed offerings, and I'm covering one of those in this post today, in celebration of Christmas in July!

 

Christmas in July coffee attire: Sweaters but no socks or pants.

WORLD MARKET COFFEE: HOLIDAY EGGNOG

I love eggnog. I love coffee. During the Christmas Season, I have made my own eggnog-flavored coffee blends for many years (basically, mixing medium-roast coffee with eggnog and sometimes a little rum). If eggnog was available year-round, I'd drink it year-round, probably using it as my primary coffee additive. So whenever I come across an eggnog-flavored coffee blend, it goes to the top of the list of the ones to try!

The package promises a coffee that delivers a creamy eggnog flavor with spicy notes of nutmeg and cinnamon. There was a faint whiff of eggnog as I opened the 2-oz sample pack (I got this blend with four other World Market holiday-themed coffees... and if I'd planned better, I'd have done Christmas in July for this entire month instead of just today), so it looked like we were off to a good start.

As the coffee brewed, there was no detectable aroma other than that of coffee. The same was true as I poured it... and as I initially tried the blend hot and black, it tasted like a slightly sweetened basic, generic coffee. What it didn't taste like was eggnog.

I tried drawing out the flavors by trying the blend first with Unsweetened Almond Milk, then Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk, and finally sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer.

The vanilla almond milk and the creamer successfully brought a weak eggnog flavor to the fore, but the unflavored almond milk did nothing. It didn't seem creamy and there was no spiciness it at all. When consumed hot, this blend was an all-around disappointment. It's not terrible, just bland and uninteresting.

Interestingly, as the Holiday Eggnog blend cooled to room temperature, the eggnog flavor began to emerge, and were particularly noticeable in the cups with the Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk and sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer. TI could even taste the nutmeg... and the drink seemed genuinely creamy with the creamer.

When I tried the blend iced, the results were essentially the same as when I consumed it at room temperature, but with the flavors muted. They weren't quite as faint as they had been when I drank it hot--I could even detect a touch of eggnog flavor when I drank it black--but icing this coffee is not the way to go.

All-in-all, World Market's Holiday Eggnog is not one that I would recommend going out of your way for. If it's handy and you're looking for something mildly sweet to go with dessert after Christmas dinner, then there are worse choices you could make. But there are also better ones. (Perhaps the most interesting thing about this blend is that the eggnog flavor behaves in an almost perfectly opposite of the eggnog-flavored one from Bones Coffee.)

Space Girl Adventures, Part Twenty-five

What Has Gone Before: While trying to escape her enemies, our heroine was seized by mysterious tentacles!

SPACEGIRL

By Travis Charest

To Be Continued...