Musical Monday with Metallica

Whether you love them or hate them, I don't think you can disagree that "The Unforgiven" is a masterpiece. The video is damn good, too--moving and chilling, like the song it underscores.

The Unforgiven (1991)

Starring: Uncredited Actors & Metallica

Director: Matt Mahurin

Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

We're running low on good black-and-white music videos to share, so, starting now, there will be a Musical Monday every other week for the foreseeable future. Thanks for coming by for the past couple years... and we hope you'll keep coming (if a little less frequently).

Signature Select's Double Dutch Chocolate

It's Sunday... so it's time for a post about coffee I've been drinking!

SIGNATURE SELECT DOUBLE DUTCH CHOCOLATE

Lately, I've been checking out other reviews of coffees you can buy and brew at home that people have been posting. A common theme is that the coffee you get at grocery stores sucks, but the coffee you order from independent roasters rock.

How does this work when you can both order a kind of coffee straight from the roaster or buy it in the grocery store--like Death Wish Coffee, for example? Well, then it's bad to buy it at the grocery store because it's stale and it sucks. You should brew coffee within a week or two of it being ground, or within a month of it being roasted for maximum flavor.

Those who hold such opinions do have something of a point. There's no question that the Bones Coffee varieties that I've tried have a stronger taste when I drink them quickly after receiving them instead of opening the package and letting it sit for a while. 

I tried this with the White Russian blend, one of my favorites. and there was no question that the flavor got weaker when I let an open pack sit for a few weeks between brewing some cups. What I didn't detect was the alleged staleness that I've seen reported as being a mainstay of grocery store coffee. In fact, when I tried the Signature Select Double Dutch Chocolate blend from Safeway, the resulting brews from the 12-oz. bag I purchased were as tasty from the first cup to the last. Maybe it was the way I stored the coffees--the ground White Russian got resealed in its package while I poured the ground Double Dutch Chocolate into a different container and sealed it there. Or maybe it's the way the flavors were obtained. I have no idea... but what I never did encounter was the staleness others claim to, either in the coffee from Bones, nor the coffee from Safeway. Maybe I just am not thinking the way they think in regards to taste--although I DO think I know what stale coffee tastes like, because I can be a slob and let coffee sit in an open pot over night--but I can't bring myself to issue blanket statements about what you can pick up at the grocery store.

So what can I say about coffee that was picked up at the grocery store--specifically the Signature Select Double Dutch Chocolate blend, one of the many offerings from this store brand?

Kate Moss is standing in for the Little Dutch Boy today.
(He's not old enough to smoke, nor drink coffee.)

Well, I can say that I enjoyed it--a lot. Chocolate-flavored coffee is one of those things I tend to make myself by mixing ground coffee and unsweetened dark cocoa powder (usually around a one-to-one ratio). My efforts in this direction have been a bit hit-and-miss, and I've never achieved the level of flavor that is present when the chocolate is added during production. And I doubt I will ever achieve the level of chocolatey goodness that's present in Signature Select's Double Dutch Chocolate blend (possibly because I'm using real cocoa so I only have the first half of "natural and artificial flavors" that are present in the various flavored coffees. Including the Double Dutch Chocolate blend that's the topic of today's rambling post.

The Double Dutch Chocolate blend is a light roast made from Arabica beans, and as soon as you open the package, you get a preview of the strong chocolate taste that you'll be experiencing in your cup. Even empty, the bag smells strongly of chocolate. It is therefore not surprising that the smell of chocolate fills the air around the coffee maker as brews. Similarly, as the coffee is poured, you can smell the chocolate.

My preference in coffee leans toward the smooth and sweet, so it's not surprising that even straight light roasts would appeal to me. I also love chocolate, and I am very fond of Dutch-style chocolate. And in the Signature Select Double Dutch Chocolate blend, the two flavors mingle with great effect. I virtually never drink coffee straight, but this was smooth and tasty and chocolatey enough that I could have. I drank about half a mugful before moving onto the next step in my usual taste-testing protocol.

Whether I added Unsweetened Almond Milk or sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer to this blend, the chocolate and coffee flavor profiles came through, mixing with the add-ons rather than being overwhelmed by them. This drink was even better when I broke with my usual habit and tried it with Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk.; the vanilla flavor enhanced this coffee drink even more. The flavors remain stable as the coffee cools to room temperature (which is great if you're like me and it can take a while to drink your coffee due to distractions... or the need to use both hands to type.)

The Double Dutch Chocolate blend also works well when iced. The chocolate flavor remained strong, and there was none of the saltiness that sometimes creeps into flavored blends when you ice them (as I've noted several times in my review of the offerings from Bones Coffee Company). And if you're of an age and a mindset where an adult beverage seems appealing, I recommend trying this coffee iced, with rum or vodka added, along with some kind of milk or creamer. It's very good.

So... if you're at the grocery store, maybe you should swing by the coffee aisle. There ARE good things to be had there! (The Signature Select brand is at Albertsons, Safeway, and Vons stores... and probably other Albertson-owned outlets.)

It's a Fantastic Friday!

 And the First Family of Comicsdom is leaping into action for the weekend!

The Evangeline Lilly Quarterly

In 2021, we brought you pictures of British singer and actress Jane Birken every three months. This year, we bring you Canadian model and actress Evangeline Lilly, as we look ahead to 2023 and the next Ant-Man movie!

 Recently, Lilly caused quite a stir when she suggested that the iron-fisted ruler of Canada, Justin Trudeau, should talk to citizens upset about his tyrannical Covid-19 "safety measures" instead of having them thrown in prison while seizing their financial assets and property.

There was much gasping in horror, swooning on fainting couches, and shrieks about how she was setting a bad example and encouraging those who weren't trembling in fear at the might of Trudeau and his enforcers. We think it's a bit much to say she's setting a bad example. It's not like she's smoking in public without a shirt on.

Um... well... 

Notification about a new outbreak

 While Covid-19 is fading as a dire and global threat, we're dealing with a new, even more insidious threat here in Slaughter Valley, where the Shades of Gray offices are located. We recommend you postpone any planned visits until we tell you the danger has passed.

The video embedded below explains everything that scientists know about the current situation so far.

Is she infected? Signs point to 'yes'

The greatest terrible mini-musical you'll ever see!

Rent-a-Person (2004)
Starring: James Haven, Jennifer Haworth, Oscar Torres, and JoJo Henrickson
Director: Kurt Kuenne

Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

A lonely bathroom attendant (Haven) gains fame and fortune when he starts a business that pairs single drivers with a second person so they can use the carpool lane. But will he ever find love?

 

You've heard the phrase "so bad it's good"? It applies to film so ineptly made they become fun despite themselves... but it can also be applied to films like "Rent-a-Person" that take tropes and turn them upside down, take jokes to ridiculous extremes, or are such self-aware spoofs that they not only poke fun at their subject matter but end up making fun of themselves. And what we have here is not just good... it's GREAT!

Whether you love the movie musicals from the 1940s through the early 1960s, or hate them, I think you're going to get a big kick out of "Rent-a-Person". The same is true if you're just in the mood for an off-center comedy. 

Click below and sit back and enjoy the product of writer/director/songwriter Kurt Kuenne. If nothing else, you owe yourself the joy of experiencing the most inappropriate opening number of any musical you're ever likely to see anywhere.

Trivia: Jon Bokenkamp, the creator of "The Blacklist" and "Blacklist Redemption" television series, is featured in the opening scene of this film and credited as "Pooper". Kurt Kuenne has also directed a number of episodes of "The Blacklist." Click here to visit Kuenne's website.

Bones Coffee's Bananas Foster Blend

I drink coffee. Then I write posts about the coffee I drink. Because this is important stuff the world needs to know! Almost as important as my reviews of films from the 1890s!

BONES COFFEE COMPANY: BANANAS FOSTER

This is another one of the Florida-based coffee roaster's flavored blends that can be had from other companies, being inspired by a famous New Orleans dessert. I've not tried it from other roaster--nor do I recall ever having the banana-rum-vanilla-ice-cream dish that inspired the flavors of which it purports to capture--but on it's own merits, this is a wonderful drink.

The starting point for the Bananas Foster blend is medium-roast of Arabica beans. The starting point, then, is already one that promises to be a smooth and easy-going one.

While the pot was brewing, a delicious aroma of bananas wafted from the kitchen to my office, causing my anticipation to build. I was not disappointed.

This blend is tasty straight from the pot. Although banana is the dominant smell as it brews, the dominant flavor (aside from coffee, naturally) is rum. You can still taste the banana, but it's more of a background sweetness than the aroma would indicate. I also think I tasted some brown sugar and vanilla  in thereadds sweetness to the blend, and I think I also tasted a some vanilla in there--which is appropriate for a blend with this name--and both these secondary flavors seem to get a little stronger when I drank a cup first with some almond milk added, and then with creamer. 

The Bananas Foster blend also keeps its flavor as it cools, unlike the Sinn-O-Bun blend, for example, which grows increasingly salty. This one is equally tasty iced as hot, whether you drink it with milk or creamer added straight. If anything, the brown sugar flavor gets stronger when you drink this iced.

If you like drinking coffee after dinner, this might be a good choice. Heck, it might even stand in for dessert all by itself, perhaps with just a couple sugar or chocolate chip cookies. 

If you can't make it to Mardi Gras, the Bananas Foster blend brings the party to you!

'Laundry Blues' may not be for youse

Do you like using the word "problematic"? Do you think everyone and everything (including you) is racist?

If you answered "yes" to those questions, you should NOT watch the cartoon embedded below. We here at Shades of Gray tend to roll our eyes whenever someone starts bitching about how problematic and racist everything is... but even we found ourselves somewhat shocked by this... um... Chinese-themed cartoon. And "shocked" is not an overstatement.

Seriously: If you see racism in all things and/or find yourself gasping and looking around for the fainting couch when you encounter racist stereotypes, don't watch "Laundry Blues". By the time its 8-minute running time is over, you will  in a fetal position on the floor, blubbering incoherently. (If all the Oriental racism doesn't get you, the random out-of-left-field Jewish gag will.)

Actually, even if you aren't overly sensitive to issues of race and stereotypes, you might want to skip this one. Even if you try to set aside the societal changes that have taken place in the decades since "Laundry Blues" was released, this is one of the weaker efforts from the notoriously inconsistent quality-wise Van Beuren animation department. There's no plot to get in the way of the barely amusing, not terribly creative gags. The animation is okay--and there's a little more effort put into backgrounds than in many Van Beuren cartoons--but there's nothing that's particularly memorable. There isn't even much of the surrealism that often elevates Van Beuren cartoons in this one... plus, it's yet another one that features that creepy bit where multiple singing characters merge into one being via their mouths. (Why, John Foster? Why did you love that "gag" so much?)

All in all, "Laundry Blues" is a cartoon that time may have left behind. Like most Van Beuren efforts, it's got some great music, but sometimes it's hard to enjoy even that because what's on screen is so outrageous when viewed through 21st Century eyes. (Heck, even in 1930 there must have been some people in the audience who thought this was a bit much.)

We're giving this one a low Four Rating, with the nicely done musical score and songs lifting it up from a low Three.

As always, we invite you to check out the Van Beuren cartoon we cover here by clicking on the embedded video below. Maybe you can even share your opinion in the comments section. Just don't say we didn't warn you!

Laundry Blues (1930)

Starring: Anonymous Singers

Directors:  John Foster and Mannie Davis

Rating: Four of Ten Stars

The Milla Jovovich Quarterly

Mask mandates are being lifted left and right, but many out there are still terrified of catching Covid-19, and they are even more terrified of those who may be spreading it. We feel for you, we want to help you. We want to make sure you fit in.

With that in mind, we here at Shades of Gray have created the Safety Sweater! It's fashionable, and it'll keep you and others safe when there happens to be filthy, disease-bearing peasants about and Safe Social Distances can't be maintained! 

Here's Milla Jovovich demonstrating how easy it is to use the Safety Sweater. All you have to do is turn the turtleneck of the Safety Sweater into a facemask that provides all the protection of those things you've been wearing around for the past few years. And when the danger has passed, you just roll it down again.

The Shades of Gray Safety Sweaters are available in black, white, and gray, and in sizes from XXS to XXXXL. Now you can face the Risks of Covid-19 and still be fashionable! These sweaters are unisex, so you don't even have to worry about your gender while getting one!

As Dr. Anthony Fauci (the greatest infectious disease expert in the history of greatness and disease) once said, "There's no reason to be walking around in a mask."

And thanks to the Safety Sweater, he's finally right!

2/22/22 -- Return of the Doppelgangers

It's another Day of Twos... so it's time for another short film around the theme of doppelgangers! (And remember... if you see yourself today, run the other way!)


Doppleganger (2007)

Starring: Sean Dory and Meghan Lees

Director: John Hollinger

Rating: Six of Ten Stars