The greatest terrible mini-musical you'll ever see!

Rent-a-Person (2004)
Starring: James Haven, Jennifer Haworth, Oscar Torres, and JoJo Henrickson
Director: Kurt Kuenne

Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

A lonely bathroom attendant (Haven) gains fame and fortune when he starts a business that pairs single drivers with a second person so they can use the carpool lane. But will he ever find love?

 

You've heard the phrase "so bad it's good"? It applies to film so ineptly made they become fun despite themselves... but it can also be applied to films like "Rent-a-Person" that take tropes and turn them upside down, take jokes to ridiculous extremes, or are such self-aware spoofs that they not only poke fun at their subject matter but end up making fun of themselves. And what we have here is not just good... it's GREAT!

Whether you love the movie musicals from the 1940s through the early 1960s, or hate them, I think you're going to get a big kick out of "Rent-a-Person". The same is true if you're just in the mood for an off-center comedy. 

Click below and sit back and enjoy the product of writer/director/songwriter Kurt Kuenne. If nothing else, you owe yourself the joy of experiencing the most inappropriate opening number of any musical you're ever likely to see anywhere.

Trivia: Jon Bokenkamp, the creator of "The Blacklist" and "Blacklist Redemption" television series, is featured in the opening scene of this film and credited as "Pooper". Kurt Kuenne has also directed a number of episodes of "The Blacklist." Click here to visit Kuenne's website.

Bones Coffee's Bananas Foster Blend

I drink coffee. Then I write posts about the coffee I drink. Because this is important stuff the world needs to know! Almost as important as my reviews of films from the 1890s!

BONES COFFEE COMPANY: BANANAS FOSTER

This is another one of the Florida-based coffee roaster's flavored blends that can be had from other companies, being inspired by a famous New Orleans dessert. I've not tried it from other roaster--nor do I recall ever having the banana-rum-vanilla-ice-cream dish that inspired the flavors of which it purports to capture--but on it's own merits, this is a wonderful drink.

The starting point for the Bananas Foster blend is medium-roast of Arabica beans. The starting point, then, is already one that promises to be a smooth and easy-going one.

While the pot was brewing, a delicious aroma of bananas wafted from the kitchen to my office, causing my anticipation to build. I was not disappointed.

This blend is tasty straight from the pot. Although banana is the dominant smell as it brews, the dominant flavor (aside from coffee, naturally) is rum. You can still taste the banana, but it's more of a background sweetness than the aroma would indicate. I also think I tasted some brown sugar and vanilla  in thereadds sweetness to the blend, and I think I also tasted a some vanilla in there--which is appropriate for a blend with this name--and both these secondary flavors seem to get a little stronger when I drank a cup first with some almond milk added, and then with creamer. 

The Bananas Foster blend also keeps its flavor as it cools, unlike the Sinn-O-Bun blend, for example, which grows increasingly salty. This one is equally tasty iced as hot, whether you drink it with milk or creamer added straight. If anything, the brown sugar flavor gets stronger when you drink this iced.

If you like drinking coffee after dinner, this might be a good choice. Heck, it might even stand in for dessert all by itself, perhaps with just a couple sugar or chocolate chip cookies. 

If you can't make it to Mardi Gras, the Bananas Foster blend brings the party to you!

'Laundry Blues' may not be for youse

Do you like using the word "problematic"? Do you think everyone and everything (including you) is racist?

If you answered "yes" to those questions, you should NOT watch the cartoon embedded below. We here at Shades of Gray tend to roll our eyes whenever someone starts bitching about how problematic and racist everything is... but even we found ourselves somewhat shocked by this... um... Chinese-themed cartoon. And "shocked" is not an overstatement.

Seriously: If you see racism in all things and/or find yourself gasping and looking around for the fainting couch when you encounter racist stereotypes, don't watch "Laundry Blues". By the time its 8-minute running time is over, you will  in a fetal position on the floor, blubbering incoherently. (If all the Oriental racism doesn't get you, the random out-of-left-field Jewish gag will.)

Actually, even if you aren't overly sensitive to issues of race and stereotypes, you might want to skip this one. Even if you try to set aside the societal changes that have taken place in the decades since "Laundry Blues" was released, this is one of the weaker efforts from the notoriously inconsistent quality-wise Van Beuren animation department. There's no plot to get in the way of the barely amusing, not terribly creative gags. The animation is okay--and there's a little more effort put into backgrounds than in many Van Beuren cartoons--but there's nothing that's particularly memorable. There isn't even much of the surrealism that often elevates Van Beuren cartoons in this one... plus, it's yet another one that features that creepy bit where multiple singing characters merge into one being via their mouths. (Why, John Foster? Why did you love that "gag" so much?)

All in all, "Laundry Blues" is a cartoon that time may have left behind. Like most Van Beuren efforts, it's got some great music, but sometimes it's hard to enjoy even that because what's on screen is so outrageous when viewed through 21st Century eyes. (Heck, even in 1930 there must have been some people in the audience who thought this was a bit much.)

We're giving this one a low Four Rating, with the nicely done musical score and songs lifting it up from a low Three.

As always, we invite you to check out the Van Beuren cartoon we cover here by clicking on the embedded video below. Maybe you can even share your opinion in the comments section. Just don't say we didn't warn you!

Laundry Blues (1930)

Starring: Anonymous Singers

Directors:  John Foster and Mannie Davis

Rating: Four of Ten Stars

The Milla Jovovich Quarterly

Mask mandates are being lifted left and right, but many out there are still terrified of catching Covid-19, and they are even more terrified of those who may be spreading it. We feel for you, we want to help you. We want to make sure you fit in.

With that in mind, we here at Shades of Gray have created the Safety Sweater! It's fashionable, and it'll keep you and others safe when there happens to be filthy, disease-bearing peasants about and Safe Social Distances can't be maintained! 

Here's Milla Jovovich demonstrating how easy it is to use the Safety Sweater. All you have to do is turn the turtleneck of the Safety Sweater into a facemask that provides all the protection of those things you've been wearing around for the past few years. And when the danger has passed, you just roll it down again.

The Shades of Gray Safety Sweaters are available in black, white, and gray, and in sizes from XXS to XXXXL. Now you can face the Risks of Covid-19 and still be fashionable! These sweaters are unisex, so you don't even have to worry about your gender while getting one!

As Dr. Anthony Fauci (the greatest infectious disease expert in the history of greatness and disease) once said, "There's no reason to be walking around in a mask."

And thanks to the Safety Sweater, he's finally right!

2/22/22 -- Return of the Doppelgangers

It's another Day of Twos... so it's time for another short film around the theme of doppelgangers! (And remember... if you see yourself today, run the other way!)


Doppleganger (2007)

Starring: Sean Dory and Meghan Lees

Director: John Hollinger

Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Musical Monday with Two Feet & Grandson

From what half-assed research I did, today's song resulted when two avantgarde musicians teamed up -- Two Feet (aka Zachary William Dess) and Grandson (aka Jordan Edward Benjamin). 

I think the music they've come with is okay, but I am in complete love with the Erik Rojas-directed video that supports it. It goes to a completely unexpected place!

Until I Come Home (2021)

Starring: Two Feet and grandson

Director: Erik Rojas

Rating: Nine of Ten Stars

Bones Coffee's Electric Unicorn Fruity Cereal

It Sunday, so it's time for another post about coffee I've consumed!

Cereal and Coffee: Part of this compete breakfast!

 
BONES COFFEE COMPANY: ELECTRIC UNICORN FRUITY CEREAL

I think I must have had an odd childhood, because I recall breakfasts that consisted of oatmeal with butter and sometimes sugar or brown sugar, and once in a while milk (and that's what I make to this day on those rare occasions breakfast isn't just a cup of coffee and some Greek yoghurt), or, once in a while, Frosted Flakes. So, despite this very funny ad, the Electric Unicorn blend does not take me back to my childhood... although it does, under certain specific circumstances, put me in mind of what I imagine the fruity, sugary breakfast cereals must taste like. (Specifically, this was supposed to be a "Fruity Cereal" flavor, according to the blend's subtitle.)

Like most of my reviewed of blends from the Bones Coffee Company, this one is based on cups made in a drip coffee-maker, from a 4-oz. sample pack of pre-ground coffee. I drank the Electric Unicorn blend black (both hot and iced) and with Unsweetened Almond Milk or sugar free Italian Sweet Cream creamer added (hot, room temperature and iced).

When I opened the package, a sweet, fruity smell was strongly evident, but this was not one of those blend that filled my place with the magical smells as it brewed. The same fruity smell that rose from the bag does emanate from the mug as the coffee was poured into the mug--a very appealing smell. The flavor, however, when I drank the coffee black was not appealing at all. The now-familiar smooth and slightly bitter taste of a Bones Coffee medium roast was clearly there, but it tastes as if someone had added cough syrup to my mug: the taste was a very unpleasant blend of sweet, sour, and mediciney flavors mixed with coffee. It was quite awful. 

When I added Unsweetened Almond Milk to this blend, all that happened was it got more sour--with a taste that was similar to dirt creeping in. I've never had almond milk that's gone bad, but I thought maybe that's what happened here, so I dumped the rest of the coffee, opened a fresh carton, mixed it into a fresh mug of coffee... and it still tasted awful. Hot, Electric Unicorn does not mix well with Unsweetened Almond Milk. I left the mixture alone for a bit, to let it cool to see if it might improve. It didn't.

I poured another cup, and I mixed in sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer. A couple of sips told me that this was a vast improvement over my previous attempts at making Electric Unicorn palatable. The mediciney taste was gone, and the cream flavor swirled nicely with the fruity taste, as well as that of the coffee. What had seemed sour now reminded me of a touch of orange or many lemon. I think I'd finally managed to tease Fruity Cereal out of Electric Unicorn. Unfortunately, the blend too sweet for me now--not as bad as "Peaches and Scream" and not as overwhelming, but too sweet to be enjoyable. Some of that excessive sweetness faded a bit as the coffee cooled... which is good, because it gave me encouragement to finish the review regimen instead of just writing this blend off as terrible.

Because if you drink Electric Unicorn iced, and you like sweet coffee with a flavor that's fruity with a citrusy undercurrent to it, you will love this. It's pretty good black, it's better with Unsweetened Almond Milk added, but it's perfect with the sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer. 

Like I said at the outset, I don't recall ever having any of those bright-colored breakfast cereals this blend is trying to capture, but I have drunk the remaining milk in a bowl of Frosted Flakes. With the creamer added and iced, I finally got the flavor Bones Coffee was going for--fruity, sweet, and milky... even if the milky was coming from the creamer. Iced, the flavors were also mild enough that they weren't cloying as before. As I finished my final cup of Electric Unicorn, I found myself wishing that I'd tried it iced first; I would have not wasted so much good coffee while trying to find the right way to consume it.

If her cup was filled with Electric Unicorn, she wouldn't be thinking about divorce.

Firearms Friday with Sophie Ryleigh

It's the return of Firearms Friday!

In this installment, we show you that even assassins can be inconvenienced on laundry day. Sometimes, you just have to get ready for work, even if the dryer cycle isn't done.

Sophie Ryleigh is an English model from Essex. You can see more from (of?) her on Instagram and Twitter. She also has a Facebook page.

Not sure what to make of this one

The Call (2020)
Starring: Danielle Elisha Steiner
Director: Wolfgang Kern
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

While walking in the rain, a woman (Steiner) gets a phone call.

"The Call" is a quiet, technically well-executed film. I liked the creative, yet straight-forward, camera-work. The precisely calculated use of out-of-focus moments were among the things that impressed me the most about this film... and the well-deployed, touching (yet catchy) music on the soundtrack also stood out.

And yet, I found myself waffling between awarding this picture a High Six or a Low Seven on my 0-10 scale, because I am not left with a clear sense of what is going with the phone call mentioned in the title and my teaser summary. There are a couple obvious explanations--and a less obvious one that got my imagination going, but I'm fairly certain it's not something that was in the Wolfgang Kern's head when staging this film--but since I didn't feel that was enough here for me to lean in one direction or another as far as "meaning" goes, I went with the High Six Rating.

I strongly recommend you take a few minutes out of your day to check out "The Call". Just click below and sit back. Perhaps you can even leave a comment below to tell me (and other visitors) what you think is going on with the voice on the phone.

Miko's latest interpretive dance...

 ... was a big hit with the test audience!