International Wanna-Be Dancer Day

Next week, on April 29, it's International Dance Day. Today, we celebrate those who can put on leotards or tutus and toe shoes and pretend they're dancers!

At the intersection of silent movies and torture porn...

Dental Care (2022)
Starring: Jamison England and Simon England
Director: Jamison England
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

Terry (Jamison England) is captured by an insane dentist (Simon England) who is bent on giving him the perfect smile.

Does anyone remember "Saw" and the unpleasant flood of "torture porn" movies that followed in its wake (in addition to the sequels the film itself spawned)? I do, and I disliked almost every one of the genre I had the misfortune of seeing; many I couldn't even motivate myself to write reviews of. I even found myself panning films featuring performers I liked, such as the talented Suzi Lorraine.

So, when "Dental Care" veered quickly into torture porn territory--with its innocent victim being set upon in a gruesome and merciless fashion by an evil madman for no apparent reason other than to be gruesome and merciless-- it was quite a surprise to me that I found myself liking it (even as I squirmed at certain moments). While it's possible that my tastes have degraded since the early 2000s, I like to think that the actual reason for me liking this film is that it despite the torture porn vibe, it gets a number of things right that lesser films get wrong--at least when it comes to being effective horror films.

Areas in which "Dental Care" succeeds are both in direction and cinematography. There's a sense of griminess about everything in the film that suits the subject matter perfectly; Jamie England knows that sometimes "less is more" when it comes to what gets shown on screen in a horror film; and the films final few moments are executed so fabulously that a number of famous filmmakers could benefit from taking a look at.

Click below to watch "Dental Care"... and please let me know if you agree or disagree with my take!

There's a weirdo hanging around the playground

What is she up to? And why does she bear an uncanny resemblance to Jessica Alba?

A tale of a clown and his brother

The Clown's Little Brother (1920)
Starring: Max Fleischer
Directors: Max Fleischer and Dave Fleischer
Rating: Six of Ten Stars


A new cartoon character arrives via the mail and springs to life. He quickly outshines the clown created by the Animator (Fleischer), as he can do everything he can--only better!

"The Clown's Little Brother" is one of earliest in a series of shorts that merge animation with live-action footage that would eventually become branded as "Out of the Ink Well". It is the sixth or seventh adventure of a cartoon clown who freely comes and goes between our world and the animated universe he exists it, sometimes to the great frustration of his creator. In fact, this installment is so early in the series  that the clown isn't even formally named yet.

Although it comes at the beginning of the series, all the basics of an "Out of the Inkwell" series can be found here, with cartoon characters leaping off the page and causing--intentionally or not--chaos in the Real World. What's more, we get the sense that the world of Animator is a bit stranger than ours, since he doesn't find it strange that he not only gets a package in the mail with a cartoon character, but someone also sent him a kitten. 

Although this was Early Days for the reality-crashing animated clown, the scenes of him interacting with the Real World in this film are excellent. The Clown's battle against a kitten is impressively executed as many of the action scenes that will follow until the series is retired in 1930. (This is also not the only time Ko-Ko is seen interacting with kittens, and if the short linked here is any indication, he makes his peace with them somewhere along the way.)

The only major complaint I have about "The Clown's Little Brother" is that the purely animated sequences drag on just a little bit too long. We, the viewers, get the point that the Little Brother is more capable in the realm of animated craziness than is the Clown/Ko-Ko, but it gets hammered home to the point where I found myself wishing Fleischer would move on. Maybe a 50+-year-old adult shouldn't be watching these films; maybe the one-upmanship scenes are JUST the right length for younger viewers (or maybe even adult viewers back 100 years ago when this film was made.)

All-in-all, though, I feel the five minutes I spent watching "The Clown's Little Brother" were well spent. I encourage you do click below and check it out, too.

Musical Monday with Garbage

We invite you to start this week with something a little dark and a little twisted that's performed by Garbage, but is anything but garbage! In fact, this is an excellent song supported by a fantastic video.

Queer (1995)

Starring: Shirley Manson, Duke Erikson, Butch Vig, and Steve Marker
Director: Stephane Sednaoui

Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

In case there was any doubt...

 ... we here at Shades of Gray do know that Easter is about more than babes and bunny costumes.

Bones Coffee's Carrot Cake

What does the Easter Bunny drink during his breaks? I have the answer... and I also tell you whether it's something I think YOU should drink!

BONES COFFEE COMPANY: CARROT CAKE
Carrot Cake is another cake-inspired blend based on medium-roasted Arabica beans, from a company that specializes in flavored coffees. This is one of those blends that they seem to rotate with their seasonal offerings, so it's not always available. (I don't know if they intentionally made it available around Easter time, or if it was just coincidence, but it worked out perfectly for my purposes.)

Based on customer comments, this is a much-loved variety, and long-time Bones Coffee customers are happy to have it back. But is it really deserving of their love? Not all Bones blends are good--some are downright undrinkable--so what about this one?

Like most of my Bones reviews, this one is based on a 4-oz. sample pack (which I've been ordering 5-10 at a time, and working my way through at the rate of one every three-four days). 

When I first opened the package, I detected a faint whiff of Carrot Cake. As the coffee brewed, however, there was no particular aroma that could detected from the coffeemaker other than. Experiences has shown that... well, that sometimes Bones blends are fabulously aromatic and not so fabulously tasting, or no more aromatic than your average coffee but deliver great flavor from the cup. Experience has also shown that there can be great variation in flavors depending on how a blend is consumed and what is added to it, with the same type of coffee being magic in the mouth, or a terror to the taste buds.

 

When I poured the first cup, a vaguely sweet smell rose from the cup. When consumed it hot and black, the flavor of carrot cake mixes pleasantly with that of coffee. Although it was still had a little too much bite for my weak palate, I can see myself drinking this without any milk or creamer added if none were available. That said, I could not really taste the cream cheese icing that supposedly should also be present here, but the carrot cake definitely came through.

Interestingly, when I tried this with Unsweetened Almond Milk, the coffee flavor was drawn out while the carrot cake flavor retreated; the almond milk make this taste more like straight, black coffee than it did when I drank it straight. As the coffee cooled, though, the sweeter undertones of carrot cake reemerged--and this time, the icing flavor was there, too. At room temperature, it was a GREAT-tasting coffee beverage!

I was already beginning to write this article in my head as I moved onto trying a cup of Carrot Cake with sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer--but my first sip of this next cup reminded me about the hazards of leaping to conclusions. Where the almond milk obscured the carrot-cakeness of this blend when it was hot, the creamer brought it powerfully and tastily to the fore, cream cheese frosting flavor and all. As the coffee cooled, the enhanced carrot cake and icing flavor remained stable and strong. A great drink was even better with the creamer added.

To my great delight, the Carrot Cake blend also works over ice. I have come to fear disappointment during this, typically my final taste test for these reviews; several Bones blends become incredibly salty when consumed ice, some to the point where it's like drinking coffee with actual salt added.

This did not happen with Carrot Cake, thankfully. Instead, when consumed over ice, the flavors of coffee and carrot cake mix in a mellow fashion, as they did when I drank the blend straight. When iced, both the almond milk and the creamer made the flavors of carrot cake and icing pop, although not to the degree when the coffee is consumed at room temperature. Still, it tasted great.

Carrot Cake is another excellent offering from Bones. If you're looking for a nice dessert coffee or just something sweet, you should check this one out before it leaves the rotation again. You can check out what Bones Coffee has on their website by clicking here, or you can see what's available at their store on Amazon. 

The Easter Bunny Backups

In case of trouble, the Shades of Gray Easter Bunny Backups are standing by.

Rachel Weisz is the Back-up Bunny this year.

And she will be supported by Mystery Bunny (who is secretly actress Tallulah Willis).

Meanwhile, Sheena Liam--Malaysia's greatest embroidery artist, fashion model, and expert in Martian Easter traditions--will leap into action to deliver eggs to any visitors from the Red Planet. 

Happy birthday to Sarah Michelle Gellar!

Sarah Michelle Gellar, perhaps best known for her roles in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and the American versions of "The Grudge" and "The Grudge 2", turns 45 years old today. Even if you don't know her from the aforementioned series or movies, you've undoubtedly come across her at some point during her career, which stared when she was just 4 years old, went through her childhood, teenaged years, and into full-fledged Scream Queen status as she reached adulthood. She's has been in more than a dozen horror films and had recurring and/or starring roles in many television series, ranging from thrillers, to action, to comedy. Even if you haven't seen her, you may have heard her voice in cartoons or video games.

Today, we mark her reaching Middle Age with pictures from past couple decades.

The Milla Jovovich Quarterly

Not too long ago, one of the smartest of all living Americans declared that she was unable to determine if someone is a woman, because she's not a biologist.

Well, no one would mistake us here at Shades of Gray for being smart, nor are any of us biologists... but we can say without doubt or hesitancy that one of our favorite people, Milla Jovovich, is all woman!

These photos leave not doubt as to her womanhood, femaleness, and all the rest!

 

 Um. Well... she... um...

 

 Hm. Well... yeah. We're not biologists, either.