Bones Coffee's Strawberry Cheesecake

In the 35 years I've been foisting my opinions regarding movies, music, comic books, and, lately, coffee, upon the world, I have never set with the intent of writing a negative review: Even when I was a kid just getting started, I never had time to waste time on things I knew are going to suck. 

For this reason, I was hesitant to add Bones' Strawberry Cheesecake blend to the line-up of flavored coffees to review in this space. I'd had good luck with other blends I'd felt dubious about (like the Maple Bacon blend), so perhaps I'd be surprised by this one, too.

Here's April Bowlby enjoying a big mug of coffee. We should follow her example!

Well... I was surprised by this blend from the Bones Coffee Company in a few different ways... but none of them were happy surprises.

BONES COFFEE COMPANY: STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE

This review is based on another 4-oz, pre-ground sample pack that I ordered straight from Bones. The package says that it's a medium-roast, and I'll have to take its word for it, because I could not taste any coffee at all in the resulting brew.

While I had initially thought that I could recommend this as a coffee drink for people who don't like coffee (as I did with the Peaches and Scream blend), I cannot even do that. The main reason is because the name on the package implies the resulting brew should taste like Strawberry Cheesecake, but I'm not sure WHAT it's supposed to taste like.

And that was the first unpleasant surprise, because there's a strong aroma of strawberries when the bag is opened, when the coffee is brewing, and as you pour it from the pot and into the cup. But when you drink it? There's no cheesecake flavor, there's no strawberry flavor--except as a faint aftertaste following several swallows--and whatever the flavor is, it completely overpowers the flavor of the medium-roast coffee it purports to be. It's also so sickly sweet, it's barely palatable. Once it's cut with Unsweetened Almond Milk or sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer--and that undefinable sweetness ends up cut back, or diluted, a bit--the strawberry flavor, with a little cheesecake mixed in, is recognizable and grows stronger as you finish your cup. In fact, you eventually end up with so strong a strawberry flavor in your mouth that you're going to find yourself reaching for some water or perhaps even some mouthwash.

The blend doesn't get any better at room temperature or over ice. It may even get worse, as the saltiness that emerged in the Sinn-O-Bun blend shows up in the Strawberry Cheesecake blend when it is chilled and poured over ice as well. It's not as severe as it was with the Sinn-O-Bun blend, but it's there. The overpowering sweet flavor remains, but when I added unsweetened almond milk to the mix, it became tolerable. Iced, the blend even seemed to taste a little more like cheesecake, but strawberry was still dominant. And, just like when it was hot, the strawberry taste builds and seems to coat your mouth as you drink.

I would like say that this is Bones blend for people who don't like coffee, but it's not even that. It's more a blend for people who like drinking snow cone syrup straight from the bottle. I really can't recommend it.

The only good thing I can say about this blend is that it has neat picture on the package. Although... even that I'm not exactly sure what to make of. Is it some sort of reference to 1970s drug trips? Is it a reference to the Twilight Zone? (I think I'm going with the latter... because that might be the place where the Strawberry Cheesecake blend is tasty.)

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BONUS BONES COFFEE REVIEW (sort of): COSTA RICA

Another sign of how intense the flavoring of this coffee is can be observed in the fact that my coffee maker smells of strawberries. I've rinsed out the pot and it, but it still smells of strawberries. My first thought was to just water through it without any coffee to clean it... but then I hit on the idea of brewing some non-flavored coffee (I've some Kenyan and Costa Rican in cupboard, from  Bones even) and see whether it picks up some of the strawberry flavor residue while cleaning out the coffee maker. Maybe I'd end up with a Strawberry Cheesecake blend that isn't so troublesome? (And maybe I don 't have to buy a new coffee maker.)

I decided to give it a try. I made six cups of coffee from what remained in the sample pack of the Costa Rica blend from Bones Coffee. I had ordered it as part of the "World Tour Sample Pack" before I hit on the idea of these review posts. But, I had enjoyed the previous cups very much--as I had expected to. I have found that in the past I have liked coffee that's been labeled as Costa Rican. Also, a friend once brought packages of what the locals made and drink themselves, and it was even BETTER than what gets exported. In fact, I think it may have been the best coffee I've ever had.

But, the Bones Costa Rica blend had put me in mind of the great coffee my friend brought me. It's a medium roast that was just as smooth and that I feel should satisfy even the picky coffee snobs out there. I drank it hot with unsweetened vanilla almond milk and sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer, and  I even drank a cup with just Stevia added. Each was great. I did not try it cold or over ice.

So, how did the Costa Rica blend fare when I ran it through my my Strawberry Cheesecake-tainted coffee maker? It's a little hard to say...

Linda Darnell looks like she may doubts about this experiment...
But the coffee must be consumed!

I could not smell any strawberries as the coffee brewed--just the usual wonderful smell of coffee. without adding anything. I drank the first cup without anything added, and I think I detected just the faintest hint of something sweet aside from the great and smooth taste of the Costa Rica coffee. That could just be psychological... I will never know for sure. Whatever the case, it tasted great, and it got even better when I added unsweetened vanilla almond milk. Even when used to clean a coffeemaker, the Costa Rica blend from Bones is fantastic.

I drank the rest over ice, first straight, and then with sugar-free Italian Sweet Cream creamer added. It was as good as I expected it to be. Although I haven't subjected the Bones Costa Rica blend to the same steps I've done to other coffees I've been formally reviewing, I think I can safely recommend it to anyone who likes a good cup of coffee.

The Strawberry Cheesecake blend may have been bad, but the unflavored Costa Rica blend is very good! And, as an added bonus, my coffeemaker and pot no longer reek of strawberries!