It's a pain for the butler, but you'll laugh while he suffers

Just a Pain the Parlor (1932)
Starring: Harry Sweet, Monte Collins, Cecil Cunningham, Billy Gilbert, and James Donlan
Director: George Marshall
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

A butler (Collins) must try to make an Olympic athlete, who is the very definition of a dumb jock (Sweet), presentable for a high society party.

"Just a Pain in the Parlor" is a silly little movie that runs 20 very fast minutes. It consists mostly of slapstick humor revolving around servants attempting to clean up a simple-minded houseguest so he be shown off at a can party being hosted by the snooty lady of the house (Cecil Cunningham). If you're a fan of Laurel & Hardy shorts, I think you'll like this one. As it was unfolding, I was put in mind of Hardy playing the beleagured butler and Laurel the dimwitted athlete. The only part that of this that didn't feel like a Laurel & Hardy film was the ending.

Since this isn't a Laurel & Hardy film, how did the actual performers do? Everyone did a fine job, and although the story and situation put me in mind of a Laurel & Hardy film, none of the performances did... well, almost none. Harry Sweet does a bit where he jumps up and gloms onto people who touch his tie that really put me in mind of Stan Laurel due to the rest of the film. One thing I particularly appreciated was the understated way Monte Collins behaved throughout the picture. He was mostly calm and steady and in control of himself (if not the situation he'd been thrust into), just like you'd expect a butler to be. Collins isn't the usual type of actor who played butlers in these kinds of comedies, but I think that made him even more effective as the film's only straight man.

The only negative with this movie is that the gags get repetative. I know comedy can be about repetion, but with "Just a Pain in the Parlor", they don't only milk some of the gags until dry, they salt them and smoke them and turn them into joke jerky. This problem is not severe enough to ruin the film, but it did keep me from giving it a Seven Rating.

In celebration of Speak Like a Pirate Day

Yarr, me maties... here be pittures o' lady pirates and even some pirate booty shorts!

Maureen O'Hara

Kay English

Dorothy Sebastian

Wynn Gibson

Gwen Lee

Claudia Dell

Frances Drake (the most suitable lady pirate of all)

For more Talk Like a Pirate Day inspiration and goodies, be sure to check out this treasure chest full of novellas by Robert E. Howard, comics, roleplaying game scenarios, and some fiction vignettes from the host of Shades of Gray, Steve Miller! Click here for more!

'The Plot Thickens' with a new Hildegarde

The Plot Thickens (1936)
Starring: James Gleason, ZaSu Pitts, Louise Latimer, Owen Davis Jr., Barbara Barondess, Paul Fix,  Arthur Aylesworth, Lew Kelly, Agnes Anderson, and Richard Tucker
Director: Ben Holmes
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

When a wealthy man with a mysterious background (Tucker) is shot to death in his car, but is found the next day sitting in his study, the mysteries that need to be solved by homicide detective Oscar Piper (Gleason) and his friend Hildegarde Withers (Pitts) keep expanding and multiplying. Who's the mruderer?; the damsel in distress (Latimer), the jealous boyfriend (Davis)... or perhaps this time it was actually the butler (Aylesworth) who did it? And how does the mysterious Frenchman, with whom the victim was seen arguing, and the victim's connection to an unsolved art heist fit into the picture?

With "The Plot Thickens", the fifth movie in the "Hildegarde Withers" series of mystery-comedies, ZaSu Pitts becomes the third actor to play the school teacher amateur detective and semi-official consultant to New York City's homicide squad. Since the excellent first installment, "The Penguin Pool Murder", each film that followed has fallen short its prececessors. I sat down to watch this one hoping that pattern wouldn't hold.

And for the most part, it didn't. While it's no "The Penguin Pool Muder", it's a far better film than the previous two entries in the series and almost as good as "Murder on the Blackboard". The humor is still not as strong as it was during the first couple of films, but the mysteries present here are meaty and plentiful--something the script-writers mostly manage to pull off without triggering my common complaint of the film seeming rushed or too crowded with characters. The screen-writers also restored the character of Oscar Piper to what he had been in the initial movies, which was a cranky but intelligent detective, instead of the dimwitted incompetant bully he was portrayed as in "Murder on the Bridle Path". The writers also reinstituted the personal relationship between Oscar and Hildegarde, which had almost been forgotten in the previous two films; they may not be romantically involved, but they are at the very least friends beyond the context of the grim task of catching killers.

On the downside, I think ZaSu Pitts may have been miscast as Hildegarde Withers. I can't say how someone for whom this is the first encounter with the character might view her, but it took me a while to get used to Pitts in the role. This isn't because Pitt's a bad actress, but it's because she isn't as forceful a presence as either Edna May Oliver or Helen Broderick who portrayed the character before her, and as a result she is overwhelmed by James Gleason's blustery Oscar Piper. By the end of the picture, I had gotten used to the more sedate (but equally sharp-tongued). Pitts and Gleason were far better together in "The Crooked Circle" where they are the best part of a forgettable film.

To a small degree, Pitt was also badly served in her first outing as Hildegarde by a bizarre tendency that was introduced for the character in the previous film: She steals items from crime scenes for no good reason--and in this instance it might actually have threatened the police investigation of the case. I think the writers were trying to capture elements in the initial films where she also picked up items from scenes, but these were obvious clues and she grabbed them to perserve them. It this film, the item she absconds with had no obvious connection to the murder until later, and she seems to take it only because it was an interesting item on the murder victim's desk.

In the end, though, Hildegarde's cleptomania is only a minor issue. A far bigger problem with the film is its resolution. While the pieces come together and all the plots and mysteries as solved, I was left with two questions that I don't see an answer to: First, why was the body moved? Second, how did the killer manage to commit the murder? If the writers had even attempted to offer plausible explanations to either of those questions, "The Plot Thickens" might have rated a low Seven of Ten Stars instead of the Low Six I am giving it.

Milla Jovovich Quarterly: Goodbye Summer!

The days are getting shorter, and the wind is carrying a sharper edge. Milla is planning to take one last walk along the beach before she has to bundle up.



Or maybe she'll grab a gun and pop a cap in Ole Man Winter's ass if he shows up any sooner than the end of October!



Good idea, lousy execution in "Castle of Evil"

Castle of Evil (1966)
Starring: Scott Brady, Virginia Mayo, David Brian, Lisa Gaye and William Thourlby
Director: Francis D. Lyon
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

A mad scientist (Thourlby) invites his relatives to his remote estate where his robot double proceeds to stalk and kill them in order to avenge a disfiguring accident he suffered years before.


I don't usually give away story twists in my teaser summaries, but in the case of "Castle of Evil", it doesn't matter. Despite the rating of 4, I don't recommend that you waste your time with this movie.

Which is too bad, because the script for this film is actually pretty good. It's a great retro-fusion of the "dark old house" and "mad scientist" film genres that flourished in the 1930s and 1940s, and the featured actors all give respectable performances in their various parts.

Unfortunately, the writer and cast are let down by an incompetent director. The staging of every scene is flat and lifeless, no opportunity for padding is left untapped--except for the ending that is inexplicably sudden and abrupt--and all the bad choices sap every bit of life from the film, driving even the most friendly-minded viewer into a stupour of boredom.

I love the "mad scientist" and "dark old house" movies--as the countless reviews of films in those genres here attest to--and I really wanted to like "Castle of Evil". But, it's just too incompently done. That is a terrible shame, because there's an excellent script that went to waste here.

(THIS is the kind of movie that Hollywood big shots sould be remaking, not "Karate Kid" and other movies that were already good. They should show themselves to be REAL artists and filmmakers who, if they are so devoid of creativity that they can't make original films, should at the very least take misfires and give them second chances.)

Meme Monday: Just Do It!

It's been 30 years since Nike launched its hugely successful "Just Do It" ad campaign, so they decided to bring it back... with quotes from atheletes over black-and-white pictures. The first picture to be released featured professional football player Colin Kaepernick and a vague quote.

People being people, and the internet being the internet, much twisting, intentional misinterpretations, and lampooning immediately took place. Here are a few of my favorites among those I've come across.



'Contented Calves' makes contented viewers

Contented Calves (1934)
Starring: Carol Tevis, Grady Sutton, June Brewster, Charles Dow Clarke, Sam McDaniel, and Bud Jamison
Director: Sam White
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

While trying to scam a free lunch, June and Carol (Brewster and Tevis) become the legs and faces of a new ad campaign for Fool Proof Hosiery silk stockings. When Carol discovers the ad makes her look unattractive and refers to her as a "dumb-bell", she gets her lawyer boyfriend (Sutton) to file defamation suits against anyone and everyone involved with the manufacture, sale, and promotion of Fool Proof Hosiery.

"Contented Calves" is one of the best films in RKO's "The Blonde and the Redhead" series of short films. Although the plot is a little weak--the film consists of four comedy sketches that could stand equally well on their own, even if two of them are tightly connected--the characters are all sharply drawn through clever dialogue and there isn't a joke or gag that doesn't go off perfectly. The only scene that could have used a little more work is a slapstick routine about halfway through the film; it's funny, but i's not as good as what you might see elsewhere, including other entries in this series.

Series stars June Brewster, Grady Sutton, and Carol Tevis are back as their familiar characters--Brewster as the schemer, Tevis as the ditz, and Sutton as the dorky boyfriend, and they do their usual excellent jobs. In this outing, Sutton is a recent law school graduate who is struggling in his own private practice, and Tevis is his girlfriend. Brewster plays a supporting role in outing, sniping at the other characters from the sideline with jibes and petty insults while Tevis's dimwitted blonde takes center stage with Grady Sutton. Esquire, in the attempt to avenge Tevis' slighted honor. This is Sutton and Tevis's picture (a reversal of the previous installment in the series where Tevis played a supporting role.)

"Contented Calves" is one of four short films included on "Blondes and Redheads, Volume 2" and although it runs 21 minutes, it feels like half that because of the non-stop gags. This film is a high point of the collection, as well as the entire "The Blonde and the Redhead" series.

Burt Reynolds passes away at 82

Burt Reynolds starred in three of my favorite movies "Cannonball Run", "Smokey and the Bandit", and"Sharkey's Machine". His most famous role was in "Deliverance" but he was in some 180 other films and television series, always bringing charm (and often smiles) to whatever role he played. He has now passed away, leaving this world less bright, at the age of 82 on August 6, 2018. He worked up to the very end, playing a lead role in "Defining Moments", a comedy slated for release Christmas of 2018.

Here are a few pictures in memory.

Jacqueline Pearce has passed away at age 74

Jacqueline Pearce, who is perhaps best remembered for her role as Servalan on "Blake's 7" (a space villain who could teach Darth Vader and the Emperor a thing or two about villainy) died from lung cancer at the age of 74 on September 3, 2018.

Although most of her career was spent playing intense and villainous characters on television, she was the best part of two of Hammer's great gothic horror flicks, "The Reptile" and "The Plague of the Zombies", both directed by John Gilling who declared she had a "wonderful face for film". Pearce retired from acting in 2007 and moved to South Africa to take care of orphaned vervet monkeys, but she returned to her native England toward the end of her life.

She was a great talent who rarely got to show her full range, but she truly and thoroughly excelled at playing villains which you'd never realize just looking at photos of her. (Yes, I was a fan!)

'The Sawdust Ring' is a mostly lost silent movie... but what remains is excellent

The Sawdust Ring (1917)

Starring: Bessie Love, Harold Goodwin, Jack Richardson, and Josephine Headley

Director: Charles Miller and Paul Powell

Rating: Nine of Ten Stars

Janet and Peter (Love and Goodwin) become wandering circus performers in order to find Janet's long-lost father, a ringmaster (Richardson).

"The Sawdust Ring" was an early starring role for Bessie Love, and it's easy to see why she was a big star during the silent era. She's pretty and her acting style is emotive without being overly stylized. It's easy to see how she was able to transition to the stage some 10-15 years later, after the arrival of talkies and her film career stalled.

When it was first released in 1917, "The Sawdust Ring" ran about an hour and it featured a far more involved plot that what we are left with today... which is a 10-minute version that was made for home screening and released in 1926. That 1926 edit is what this review is of--a brief and sweet fantasy story about two kids destined to be circus performers. Notes on both IMDB and Harpodeon describe additional cast members and character background stories that aren't to be found in this abbreviated version. It made me wish to see the full-length film. That will never be possible, because like the vast majority of silent movies, the original version of "The Sawdust Ring" has been lost.

What we're left with, however, is an well-done abridgment of the original movie that shows what great screen presence Bessie Love possessed (and why D.W. Griffith knew she was going to be a star early on). The rest of the cast are also good in their parts, and the staging and filming of every scene is top-notch. Even if you're one of those people who don't usually like silent movies, I think you'll find this one appealing. (If you're an Amazon Prime subscriber, you can watch it for free.)